Sometimes as Mighty Mom, I want to teach my kids all they need to know, BUT truth be told for me that may be more about control and pride. Allowing others to teach my kids, what I can not, requires trust, faith and humility; none of which I can say come easy for me.
There is the school teacher, music teacher, skating teacher, best friends mom, grandparents, aunts, uncles, doctors, therapist plus all the other folks that throw insight into my children's path that influence how my kids perceive life. It is overwhelming to let this little human, that you brought into the world, lean into others advice.
Summer time brings a whole new set of anxiety for me because we now have less influence of others teaching my kids and more of ME!!!! Asperger kids tend to strive on structure and summer time is far from
structured! It seems almost suffocating to imagine as May begins to
unwind, remembering back to last year when the summer was one of the
hardest times. Balancing the free time with activities that would
not over stimulate while working full time and dealing with appropriate child care issues. The thought of
going back to possible meltdowns or regressing from such a productive
year was something I refused to dwell on. This summer is going to be different, BETTER!
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My daughter agreed to go to soccer camp IF her brother would go with her and my heart raced with delight. A group sport, with a ball, new people and it requires coordination. All of which is extremely hard for her. She really has the hard part, overcoming all the fear and anxiety, I had it easy...TRUST!
I thought to myself after staring at my kids backs and reading the quote Trust God No Matter What, that maybe someone was trying to tell me something. Not just trusting when you have a savings account or your kids are not fighting or your feeling fit or when your car starts. It means trusting when they leave your home for Grammy's for a week, when they go to camp, when they ride their bikes, when they are fighting non stop, when the car will not turn over or when there is no money. Its every day, every minute, every inhale and exhale. My son was talking to me as he rode his bike never looking back to even see if I was there, he just trusted that I was and it hit me.... I need to live like that more.
On day three of soccer camp Skyler was a little uneasy and as I probed her for info she started bawling and telling me that a kid laughed at her and stuck his tongue out because she kicked the ball the wrong way. A surge of anger that I have spent years trying to tame roared up inside me. What kind of lesson can I teach her out of this? What does she need from me? How can I teach her to be strong along with validating her feelings? How do I trust in this situation? I preceded to sit in open gym the next day with her to see for myself this KID! who he was, what he was about and who did he think he was. Well Skyler and I observed him for awhile, to realize he was just a wild kid all around and I asked her "want me to say something to him" she sighs and says "No I think he is just a mean kid right mom"?
Day four a true miracle! "mom mom mom I met a friend today"! I replied "really how?" Sky says a matter of factually "mom you don't know how to meet a friend?" I laughed and said "yes I know how to meet a friend but I want to hear how you met a friend". She says well I did what Mrs. Hicks (her speech teacher) told me to do, I said "Hi my name is ________________ fill in the blank Skyler" OMG I almost fell face first into the sidewalk. "Skyler" I said "that is great, then what did you say"? She said "well I am suppose to talk about my day and I did". I said "well what is her name?" "Oh I don't know" The smile on my face turned to a giggle. What if............................ I had not trusted in the doctor who pushed me to do speech, what if I had not allowed the camp to happen out of fear, what if........ I had run from a diagnosis? What if................................I had allowed her to stay in her bubble. What if I tried to teach my kids everything? Skyler met a friend today and that to me was a miracle. She was proud of herself and I was proud of her for taking a leap of faith.
I reached out to hug my daughter as she returned home from a week at grandmas, my heart was aching for a genuine bear hug, knowing very well she is incapable of that kind of affection, I still longed for a quick moment as her blue eyes raced past the front door, past me and into the kitchen as she fell to the floor sucking face with the dog! Oh well I had my miracle this summer I cant expect too much!!!! Her week in Seattle gave her the confidence and independence I so hoped for, I so trusted in. It started with THE climb straight up the muddy path and to me I love a good challenge. It looked so fun and inviting so of course my mom and I started charging up and she followed.
As her feet slipped out from underneath her, I felt the crippling fear
paralyze her body and she says "I can't make it". I started pushing her
bottom the rest of the way up the hill and as I looked up that shirt
AGAIN starring me in the face. "Geez doesn't my kids have any other
clothes to wear" No just kidding ... I said "Sky trust mommy we can make it,
dig your feet in to the dirt and push baby girl you can do it". She
held on tight as she looked down at her pop pop & smiled. 
The going down was harder for me because we both slipped and as she felt my grip loosen around her she screamed and I lost the rock my foot was securely on and down we slid. I tried to get her to laugh once we were at the bottom joking about all the mud on our clothes and shoes and how fun that was but her response was "we are NOT doing that again, that was NOT a good idea MOM".
............................................................................................................... Trusting started as I let my son walk out our back door, knowing he was flying alone and then continued as I was getting on the plane in Seattle, leaving my daughter for the first time. It was a leap of faith that yielded huge returns.
Proverbs 3:5-6
