The sibling tends to get left out quite a bit when you have an "extra needs" child. "Extra needs"= my new name for special needs!!!!
During our experiment of eliminating one of the medications that helped Skyler cope, it became so evident to me the lack of attention and teaching moments my son truly gets. It became more about surviving then parenting. Within less than a month we had regressed back several years into daily violent tantrums, changing the course of our plans each day to match her temperament. The high demands for attention and structure left us on constant edge. Morning kisses turned into snarls and lack of hygiene, followed by outburst of screaming, hitting and running off. The lack of communication, the lack of ability to cope in crowds, handling noise and following any kind of direction became nonexistent.
The sibling relationship was slowly dwindling from laughing and playing together, to my son pulling away from her in fear and anger. His inability to comprehend the nature of the situation made him frustrated and retreat.
The enormous amount of energy it started to require to manage the basic tasks of life left little time for family togetherness. The bubble that we had lived in years ago started to form back around us. Isolation, confusion and anger characterized the behind the scene picture. I started to question my judgment on trying to live drug free. It seemed like the RIGHT thing to do. everyone talks about natural, organic, drug free, dye free, meat free, milk free BUT we are not FREE. Skyler was in bondage.
The change in her was so dramatic, so undeniable, so apparent that she needed me to make a better choice for her. Her and I had a talk about how she felt now compared to before and how she was so confused why she could not handle things and she told me she was so sad and mad all the time. She was scared to leave my side at camp and church, places she goes all the time. The darkness in her eyes began to speak to me and I had to listen to her crying out for help.
So what may be RIGHT for someone is not RIGHT for everyone. The truth is within 24 hours of her first dosage back on the meds, my daughter hugged me for the first time in three weeks. She laughed with her brother, could look in my eyes and respond appropriately. I am not giving up hope that my baby girl could live without assistance from pharmaceuticals one day but for now to see her happy in her skin, living, loving and laughing means more to me than being RIGHT!
