It rarely crossed my mind years ago, when all I wanted was "so called" normalcy, the idea of my daughter Skyler, going to middle school. The turmoil that propelled us into a constant state of alert was daily and all we could do was survive moment to moment.
If you would of told me years ago when I sat outside my car holding my son while my precious daughter was raging in the back seat so uncontrollably that we had to get out of the car, lock her inside and call daddy, that she would be going to middle school, and thriving, I would of thought you mad.
The event at the mall is so deeply ingrained in my memory, of a man chasing my daughter through the parking lot, abandoning his cup of coffee up in the air to save her from herself. I stood helpless holding my son under a tree begging God for it to STOP. I had soooooo many unanswered questions, so much anger, so much fear, I truly was lost. It did not matter that I was an older mom, once a pediatric COTA and foster parent or that I loved loved loved kids, I was now completely and totally LOST! The stranger managed to scoop her up before she ran into the road and carried her thrusting body back to me.
Her second stay at Children's resulted in several kids going to a group home upon discharge, which saddened me beyond comprehension, for those parents unable to cope.
Walking hand in hand with her to our car, I vowed never to give up on her. I would fight until every breath had left my body, she was our child given to us as a gift to cherish and in that moment I knew we were going to make it. My hand was being held not only by my daughter but by my God.
Third grade resulted in hospitalization, 4th grade I pulled her out to home school however we now celebrate a 5th grader about to embark on a new journey and we can honestly say this has been the best year of her short life. She has blossomed into a young women that seeks independence, not always handling it correctly, but learning to adjust. A girl that can stand firm in her faith and hold steady to strong winds of uncertainty with less collapsing under the pressure. The challenge we have set before her this year of finding solutions has paid off and has allowed her to believe in herself more.
The sibling relationship with her brother that has been a work in progress, strained by fear as he dealt and coped with more then a child should have to, has now manifested itself into times of laughter and a possibility of trust.
The joy it brings my soul when I hear a simple interaction, not rippled with tension, between my two kids has that peace I have been longing for laced through it like glitter on a canvas.
My heart doesn't start rapidly beating as I run to rescue my son Kendyl and begin the plan of escape, it just beats normally with a pause to reflect and I appreciate its rarity. I wouldn't of even noticed or may have taken it for granted had I not seen and experienced the other side. Even though we still have moments of defiant chaos and loss of control, the tools are in place to help guide us back to each other with less scarring.
It is with a full heart I thank ALL her doctors, teachers, friends, my amazing family and the other parents that have walked beside us, not judging or blaming, loving us when we felt unlovable, showing up when we needed them most and for listening to me cry out for help and providing joy in deep sadness.
Thank you for rejoicing with me in the baby steps and being my rock when everything else felt like sinking sand. There is not a day of her life that would be possible, without the community God has put in place to open the doors of her life to be a platform for YOUR goodness to shine.
The process of finding a school to continue her education has been a grueling job marked with many closed doors however we emerge thru the dark cloud into a shining light of hope. A place filled with hope and potential for meeting our needs has been a gift beyond our expectations. The transition to middle school begins!
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Isaiah 43:18-19
“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. |
