Saving enough energy to parent well!

 
Remembering back to the time in my life when responsibilities and consequences were not as heavy as now. When working all day and playing all night with energy left to spare was a way of life for me.

Conserving energy was the LAST thing on my mind.  Being a natural work alcoholic is suppose to be a strength in ones life, but as you begin a family and taking care of others becomes a full time job your work ethic has to change. Well it doesn't HAVE to change but someone or something along the way will suffer if that self serving lifestyle is continued for too long.

The funny part is, I hear it all the time and it reminds me of myself, when a new mom or a first time pregnant mom says "well I am going right back to work, or they try to convince someone that they will be able to resume the current responsibilities in the workplace once the maturity leave is over". NOT!!!!

This, not even, 10lb little bitty human can rock your world from the first cry. That first glance into the most precious, miraculous face changes EVERYTHING! From long morning runs around the lake to long nights meeting her every need. From sitting and enjoying a hot cup of fresh coffee to sitting and nursing. From going to the movies to watching a movie at home. From brushed hair and shaved legs to I will just shower later. From adult parties to Chucky Cheese pizza. From a small compact car to a dirty mini-van. From afternoon bike rides with friends to holding up a bike for a 2yr old. From adult conversations to saying over and over "use your words". The list is truly endless what a parent gives up to raise a child.

In my personal journey these past couple years of motherhood, learning to conserve energy for the important things, I have had to almost die to self in order to provide my version of an ideal home life for my children. A home that will enrich and cultivate an atmosphere that will set the stage for adulthood. Is this necessarily a bad thing? Can not answer that question for anyone else but I can for myself and after careful evaluation and some long hard searching days, I have concluded NO,  it is not a bad thing. It truly has been a decision from the heart and maybe from the checking account....... but to start changing where I give, how much I give and to whom I give, in order to have something left over to give to my family has not been a bad thing. The results of being available mentally, physically and emotionally for my family is astronomical.  

It is not enough to give up the easy things, it is in giving up the hard things that you make the most significant difference. It is the extra 20 min back rub, the night after night routine that says I am here, the teacher conference that mess up your entire day, its the CONSTANT controlling of self to teach control. It is saying no to a $300 dress and getting one at TJMAXX so your daughter can have a new bike. It could be, NOT stepping in to save the day or refraining ones self from fixing a mess or cleaning a room to teach independence. 

It is in that moment when you feel like your drowning in a sea of heaviness and saying to yourself,  I can not do one more tub of laundry or clean one more paint brush or drive to one more game in this heat that I think about my life before kids and put a smile on my face and feel overwhelmed with gratitude that for this time in my life I have made the choice to die to self in order to teach, to serve, to give and to LOVE. All that being said,  I am not quitting my job but the point is I do not want to be defined by my job ( and you know how I love me some Pilates),  I do not want to be defined by the amount of activities I have signed up for or the amount of money I make; I want to define and be defined after a selfless God that taught us all how to serve others and in that serving I pray my kids will learn to serve and to love. I want to keep growing as they grow, to keep learning so they can learn through me and when the time comes for them to serve me in my old age, may the serving be joyful, not a burden.

From years of making bad choices to suddenly having a reason to make good choices I have found  freedom that brings contentment in the selflessness act of parenting. When every moment of our day is making choices from food, to appropriate clothe, to time spent, we have to choose to save and conserve energy to have back up to give when the heat is on. When the emotional, physical and spiritual bank account is empty and that sweet hand reaches up to meet yours and you meet it with fatigue or anger they know, they sense and they feel it to. I am learning to meet that hand with clarity in who I am and give the best of myself not the left overs. Choices....