Angels Among Us- Part 1

I HAVE to tell this story so the angels among us hear me thank them. I want them to know how valuable they are and the acts of service did not go unnoticed.

In a blink of an eye my husband was on his motorcycle riding in front of my son then suddenly face down on the concrete driveway only 100 feet from our garage. He had put on his riding boots but not his helmet, of course we all say WHAT???  But it is in that instant that we have ALL made THAT one choice to drink and drive, have unprotected sex, or speed in a school zone that could change the course of our lives. It's called an accident, not planned or premeditated but a sudden and possibly tragic moment, a flash of time.

He rode by and said hello to a friend right around the corner from our house passing him only seconds before his accident. Slowly driving over the bridge toward our garage as our 9 year son watched him lose control of the bike and then frantically trying to regain control of the bike, it slid out from under him sliding to the left as he went to the right. The blow to the head knocked him immediately unconscious and his son watched his lifeless dad lay flat on the ground as he frantically sent his electric scooter sailing through the air to run and get help.  He started screaming HELP, HELP.... then proceeded to erratically run through the house looking for daddy's cell phone, calling 911. He ran back to crash site to observe the body laying still and he thought " My dad is dead"!  He proceeded to talk to the 911 operator as he walked down the long driveway to the end of the bridge and standing partially in the road crying with a cell phone to his ear an Angel appeared in a white mini-van and stopped to comfort him staying by his side until the ambulance arrived.

I guess being a super hero started at a young age!

As the paramedic sped into sight they all ran back to the crash site and Patrick (my husband) had gotten up, stumbling to lift his motorcycle then proceeded to walk toward my son (Kendyl). Kendyl's mind spiraled out of control with fear and confusion leaving him in a state of shock.  The paramedics had to force Patrick into the ambulance as they told me later "he was out of his mind" but he kept saying "I'm Fine", so they began the protocol in the ambulance with Patrick then made the phone call to me. Kendyl remembering my cell number called and it was answered by my daughter's bouncy voice and he heard, "Hi Daddy", my son responds " Skyler it's Kendyl, Daddy had a motorcycle accident come home". I can hear his voice on the speaker phone but it is not clear and I only have 2% battery left so Skyler says " mom Kendyl is playing a prank" and hangs up. The paramedic calls back immediately saying "this is not a prank, your husband is going to be fine but we need you to come home, get your son and meet us at the ER".

Skyler begins wailing loudly in the front seat and I have a hard time focusing. "Skyler please calm down I need to drive safely home, let's begin praying sweet girl, the man said on the phone that daddy will be fine". We need to believe him and calm down. That does not stop me from driving like a lunatic till I get to our street. It has a fire truck blocking the entire road, it is then I begin to feel a sense of deep urgency to see my husband and Skyler jumps out of the moving car toward the house. The fireman stops her, calms her down and says "please get back in the car everything is ok". I pass a police officer on the driveway and ask the question I really don't want an answer to- "Did he have a helmet on"?  "No I am sorry mam he did not". I am so angry I think to myself if he is not dead in the back of this vehicle I may kill him before he gets to the hospital but as I walk around the side I see my son running toward me with a look of terror in his eyes and NOTHING matters in this moment except comforting him. He holds on tight and I have no idea and will not know what he went through for several days. Once he is safely in the car I walk fiercely back to the ambulance, I swing open the back door and get ready to unleash the wrath of anger I feel inside but then I see the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with covered in blood, hooked up to several tubes and he is talking in Chinese and the death sentence I was about to administer turned into me sounding like a parrot, "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you". 

The sirens that you hear every day, now has a personal attachment and we follow close behind as if losing sight meant saying good bye and our hearts beat so loud you can barely hear the sniffling. The possibilities of it only being a family of 3 instead of 4 was too close to home in that moment. 

Inside the ER, we wait and wait and wait. Panic will not win..... I keep telling myself and desperately try to comfort and distract my kids from the voices in our heads. My dad arrives then co-workers and still we have not seen the patient, it is almost an hour since we have arrived before I walk through the double doors to his room. The image so vivid in my mind how long his body looked on the bed, his feet are hanging off, his finger nails have blood caked under them (he would hate that), his eye is completely shut and swollen, his face is disfigured with edema, he is violently vomiting blood and he begins to shake, his body vibrates almost off the table then the Angels around him begin to move his gurney out the room and other Angels come rushing in and his bed rolls away from me.  I follow close behind once again sounding like a parrot in case that is all he remembers " I love you, I love you, I love you" and he is gone AGAIN. 

I walk back into the waiting room to find two sweet little faces looking intently at me for answers as if I have any control over the situation and all I can do is shake my head side to side as if saying no. Skyler dramatically curls up in a ball rocking herself to the sound of her crying and my son dives head first into a video game escaping into robot world.  I now realize that this story could have many different ending one of which I live the rest of my life with Patrick, one in which I am changing his diaper and feeding him daily or one in which we have second chances and our life is changed but the same. I begin praying without ceasing. Angels everywhere are doing the same!

Daddy brought Kendyl Home, now Kendyl may be bringing Daddy home!

I have decided NOT to rescue her today!

I sit in my car waiting for the kids to line up for pick up and the self talk begins. I will make no judgement based on yesterday or my fear of tomorrow, I will embrace her today for this moment. Putting on my mommy warrior armor of courage, my mind is clear, my phone is off... I am ready!!! 

She smiles big as soon as our eyes meet and my heart skips a beat, she looks happy! Making our way through the crowd of parents is enough to send me into a panic attack, but we survive and are sitting quietly in the car. INHALE MOM!!!  

Typically this is when the let down of the day and attack mom moments happen, but today she is quiet. NOT a good sign! Normally it would take me asking her several times or days of meltdowns for her to talk about what is wrong, BUT today she starts telling me about the girl drama that happen in school that day and that she had a substitute teacher that was mean, I am all ears and happy we have a quiet car ride home to talk and process. 

"You know the girl that is always mean to me mom, she did it again she said something bad and I cried". I want to grip the steering wheel like its this girls head and squeeze till her eye balls pop out like those stress balls. We have been here done this and have worked this situation over and over and we only have three weeks left of school NOOOOOOO not now, I want to scream! 

I make no sudden sounds or movements so she can continue her story without my aggressive interrupting.  " The girl said sorry and asked me to forgive her, and I did", she wipes the tears and smiles "its all good Mom".  OMG she handled it, she did not retaliate back, she FORGAVE, she talked about it to me and is recovering.

Calmness in my gut has replaced anger and a gratefulness remembering that last year at this time she was recovering from a 3 week in patient hospital stay to help her cope. Seeds of growth bloosom forth in this moment of sunshine. 

The story continued and the smile turned to tears then she told me through a crackly voice that the class lost recess because she couldn't quit crying after the situation. The substitute asked her to stop crying and she couldn't so the teacher said to her "if you were 3 this would be ok but your not 3, your 10 so it's not acceptable". 

Sooo let me get this straight I am thinking in my mind, the class lost recess because my Autistic daughter can't quit crying because she has sensory processing issues, has been emotionally bullied and now very over stimulated? 

I nearly wreck the car with disgust and now full of rage but manage somehow not to show any external signs because I know if I start talking now I will not hear the end of the story.  She tells me the kids all shout "thanks allot Skyler". I start crying but turn away, I can barely stand the thought of her in the middle of this.  I want to rescue her, I want to turn around go back to the school and make it right, I want to rant and rave about her rights and the wrongness of this situations, I want to scream at the top of my lungs....

I clear my head and listen between the lines as she says "and that's the end, it's over and I don't want to talk about it anymore". I begin to talk anyway ignoring her request NOT to talk about it, offering my wise unbiased counsel (NOT), but she says again, "I don't want to talk about it anymore, its all good".

I decided in my mind I was not going to talk about it anymore today but tomorrow I was going to make sure I handled this.  Um NO, I am not going to handle it today or tomorrow either because it has already been handled, she doesn't need me to rescue her. 

I remind myself that is why you have spent the last 7 years, thousands of dollars and hours of time taking her to speech, occupational and physical therapy not to mention social skills groups, counseling and psychiatrist visits so SHE CAN handle this NOT ME! This is a huge milestone for mom/daughter, I have decided not to rescue her today.  

My super hero mom cape is needed in a new way, to support, listen, love and guide QUIETLY with a grateful heart for all the wonderful friends, teachers and therapist that have helped HER handle day to day issues that will happen for the rest of her life. 

  

“For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” 

Jeremiah 29:11