THE Look Of Judgement

There it is, "THE" look!

The look of a mom judging another, BAM! The air thickens and I find it hard to breath, I know what she is thinking, I am one of THOSE moms. "Your daughter is doing a,a,a pageant, hmmmm that's kinda different for you guys."

How do I respond when I feel the same way myself? It is very different for us, for me, for her. I am OK with different, what I am not OK with... is the judging look.

I, like her, am always judging, not understanding why someone does something, I could be I do not not care enough to find out why and give "THE" look I was now being given. I am learning to ask instead of assume, it takes a simple question, "tell me more about that or this", so I can understand and not judge, I can learn and grow through others adventures and experiences. Judging stunts our growth and we miss out on new things that we could share with others.

It was an open casting call, I was only interested in her learning three things:

1. Making Eye Contact 
2. Sitting up straight  
3. Talking directly to another person in an interview.

I have been told these are the areas that would be hard for her, so.... what's a mom to do if someone tells you something will be hard for your child, we look for ways to teach them so it NOT hard for them. That's my job! We had already accomplished more in this initial process with her wearing a skirt and cute shoes, I was not about to stop now!

Skyler, my son and I sat in a conference room listening to the director give us all the details and then he said "now your daughters will go be photographed and interviewed." WHAT???? Today, right now? I look at her for signs of stress, but she sees all the other girls get up so she gets up and with a half smile, she looks at me and says "Can Kendyl go?"  "No Skyler this is all about you and letting your light shine through." Kendyl then follows it up with "Skyler Sit Up Straight, I will watch you and remind you with my hands to sit up when you start to slump." She giggles and walks away with several other hundred girls. I looked at my son Kendyl and he says "Mom she can not do this!"

I was even more determined to help her try now because I knew he was not the only person thinking that exact thought and I believe ALL things are possible. I respond, "Weelllll I said, I believe she can Kendyl your sister picks up skills from mimicking others, that's how her brain works, she is a very fast learner, lets close our eyes, say a little prayer and if it is meant to be then she will do well and if not ...we had fun trying and we will go get ice cream."

We run to her side as she approaches us then walk quietly out of the lobby. Kendyl and I both start talking at the same time, "What happen, how did you do, what did they ask, are you OK?" "Mom, Mom stop I am fine!" then she smiles soooo big and I said "WHAT?"  "Guess what my interview question was?" In my prayer I had asked if this was the path we were suppose to be on to please allow the question to be something she could talk about and relate to and if not that we would know  this was not something that would help her grow and learn and on to the next thing we go.

 "Mom they asked if I had any pets!"

I just shook my head side to side and we giggled all the way to the car. I had no idea what I was doing however I knew loving and supporting her was a great place to start. The research begins, questions asked, people recruited to assist us and off we go on a 6 month journey toward the National American Miss Pageant. 

Autism - Athlete - Pet Sitter - Pageant Girl

 no limits in how or where a child can learn to shine!

There are too many prep stories to write them all here but I will highlight some significant moments as an encouraging push to try something new. The background story of My SkySky is a significant part of what made the weekend a huge success, not winning a crown or title but winning over fear.  

 Her enthusiasm was inspiring, she had no idea what she was doing and many of the elements were terrifying to her however she kept moving forward. Making calls to friends and family for sponsorship, practicing with a hair brush the introduction speech, walking tall, standing in model stance, watching videos and overcoming sensory issues trying on different types of clothes. 

A couple years ago I had decided to stop trying to be her everything and learned that she, like many, do better when someone else is the leader or teacher. This approach worked like a charm having someone else help with hair, clothes and routine gave me the freedom to be errand girl and cheerleader. What a pleasure it was to serve my little princess all weekend long!

Skyler completed every required category including her on stage 30 sec personal introduction in front of judges with poise. We had a talk on the way home after the first long day of events and she said "Mom, I am so stressed, this is hard to do." "Yes it is Sky, so so hard and there will be many time in life we will be faced with scary, hard things and we have to decide if facing it will help us or hurt us." I asked her if she felt pushing on would hurt her or help her and if the stress was good stress making her want to achieve or bad stress hurting her making her want to hide. She thought for a brief moment and she replied with great confidence "Good stress, It will help me, I want to finish!"

The finale was filled as you can imagine with high emotions and energy but also full of gratitude and love. We were surrounded by her friends that have supported her through thick and thin cheering her on and her sponsors that believed she could excel. My heart was abounding in thanksgiving and I was inspired at all she had overcome in three days. Leaving the building for the last time Skyler stopped her dad and I and said with tearful eyes I have to tell you something, "Thank you for bringing me to this, I could not have done any of this without you, I had soooooo much fun!"

Philippians 4:13  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.