Every one has prior experience with 

"THE WAIT"

Waiting for that bowl of ice cream till you finish your broccoli, the agonizing wait of the school bus (if you were that kid), the wait for dinner to be ready, the breathless wait for the positive pregnancy test, the anticipated wait for that special person, the timeless wait for biopsy results, the parent waiting for the seeds they sowed to produce fruit after years of tireless laboring, the waiting by a loved ones bedside slumping and exhausted as they took their last breath or simply waiting for the fog to lift to see the sun. 

I can remember several distinct waiting moments that chiseled character in me. The kind of waiting that drops you to your knees and cry out in desperation. 
 

What does waiting produce in us? What do we do during the waiting? What's our vice?  Who will we be after the waiting, Bitter or grateful? 

I remember years ago and it has stayed with me all this time. A speaker said, he never slept when he was burdened, he would lay awake worrying about the ongoing suffering in this world. He finally learned to let go of that burden because it was not his to bear and was encouraging us to rest so we can be ready. In my waiting I have learned to rest. In waiting I have also found unsurpassed joy which is contrary to what the world screams at us.

The doctor said the scary "C" word (cancer) but I was too young to for this to happen to ME, I wanted a family. I was alone not only in that room but in life by my own choices. My lifestyle kept me alone to avoid rejection and pain. He got it all so it doesn't really matter RIGHT? Did I learn in the waiting way back then?

"The baby does not have a heart beat", we will call you with the results. The longest, hardest wait of my entire existence was that weekend, rubbing my belly begging God for answers. Did I learn in the wait? 

She said with a smile on her face "we will call you with the results" after she hacked away on multiple areas of my body with what looked like a box knife

She got it all after the third round so does it really matter now? Did I learn from this wait? 

Do I have to wait for the call to start the transformation? 

I waited faintly as my mind drifted through the fog of pain for him to say, "it's a _____", but all I heard a tense voice say "oxygen needed" and felt the hairs on my air stand straight up as I observed frantic nurses but felt helpless. I changed my mind about caring if it was a boy or girl, now all I wanted to hear was "it was going to be OK"! 17 hours of laboring, waiting, crying, pushing, did I learn in the wait?

The lesson soaked into my pores like a dehydrated sponge, defining importance became very simple - we make it so darn complicated. 

Open your grip, release the expectations, free the societal constraints. I am afraid to admit I want to stay in this frozen time of waiting so I don't lose my perspective of what's truly important, so I don't fall back into complacency and trapped by own anger and fear. 

"Now we wait" the doctor said, 48hours! The phone will ring, the results spoken, please Lord help me to stay forever changed no matter what the results. My husband lying in ICU every moment being monitored for brain function. Then nurse says if he makes it through the night without a brain bleed we are out of the woods. The darkness hung on like a rain cloud, the time ticked slowly by as I remembered rest so you can be ready. The sun burst though the darkness, the lesson revealed, I learned from the past waiting!

It pops back up like a jack in the box, the waiting. It was a tumor not a cyst we will call you with the results. This time is no different then the lifetime of waiting before. I will rest so I can be ready and I know when I am weary he will carry me! 

The Footprints Prayer

One night I had a dream...

I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord, and Across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; One belonged to me, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that many times along the path of my life, There was only one set of footprints.

I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in my life This really bothered me, and I questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, You would walk with me all the way; But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, There is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why in times when I needed you the most, you should leave me.

The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you, and I would never, never leave you during your times of trial and suffering. When you saw only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.

The GRIND ( Happy New Year)

I asked the question "How is she doing?" and the response was "She is fine but not sure she can handle the grind, the daily routine of her new life". Oooooh! I thought, that's a grim response.

I was perplexed and continued thinking again and again about the response and then asked myself, "Do I handle the grind?" 

The longer I pondered this question, the more I realized we ALL have grind, we may have different grind but we all have grind. Some may be the physical disability grind, emotional grind, financial grind, spiritual grind or even the weight loss grind, the kid drama grind, the in law grind, the cancer grind, the bad boss grind, the aging grind and on and on it could go. 

Everyone has Grind! It is how we handle or cope with the grind that makes the compelling difference. We can stay in the grind and allow it to mold us, teach us perseverance, patience, forgiveness, compassion and contentment. OR... we can avoid it, run away, play the victim card, live in constant drama mode, defense mode, have a anger filled spirit, lack of empathy and plagued by a depressive state. 

If I am sincere with you and myself, I have done and been all these things. On a regular basis, I have keep myself from jumping off the cliff of despair and intentioanl choose to walk away from the raging confusion in my own head and heart. 

   

Looking up the definition of "grind" was thoroughly interesting and may not be appropriate for young children! (haha). The definition is not significantly important but the layer a little deeper then that, that matters.

How does our personal grind effect us? How does it change us? I began to look around and ask this question to people crossing my path. 

How are you doing in the grind of life? WOW! Powerful question, heads up if you decide to ask, be ready to listen. 

I have been water walking in the lane next to a gentleman and when I asked him the question he begins to tell me about his wife who sadly took her life and for years he struggled with severe depression. The pharmacy tech opens up about his own medication struggles to comfort my self judgement, the coffee barista unloads a past that could make your head spin and the wealthiest of people that are hurting and coping from abuse and loss that money can not fix.  We are surrounded by the grind of life.

Jeremiah 17:8

They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”

How would someone answer if they were asked, how I was handling the grind. The daily job, the daily parenting, the daily marriage, the daily internal struggle. Honesty if I was being graded it would change everyday. I am a wishy washy mess 90% of the time so I guess that would be a big "F" on my report card. 

However who is grading me? Seriously who is the teacher that is looming over my work and grading my life? It is anyone I give the power to do so, you my reader, my co-workers, my kids, my parents, my siblings.......my self. 

Reflecting back over 2016, will it be any different in the New Year? No! not really, the daily struggles (THE GRIND) is still there but what will be different is who I allow to grade me.

 

For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, And He watches all his paths. Proverbs 5:22

Happy New Year, Happy New of the same Grind, Happy New You, Happy New Ideas, Happy New but kinda like newly used. Happy Recycled is really what we could call it. 

Bring on 2017!