Making room for different can open a window to WONDERFUL!

She is only 9 years old..... nine years of living a life that has been surrounded by love, commitment and compassion. It is hard to comprehend the grey areas that turn to black for her when nothing visible is the cause. The darkness that grows in her is more than circumstantial and is exasperated by uncontrollable environmental factors.  What is a mother to do when she can NOT control her daughter's environment and she fears that the darkness will creep in, take a hold and never let go? How can I stop the waves of her struggles from pulling her under?

The memories of my own life are constant reminders of how real depression and anger can be, how debilitating and exhausting the fight is to keep looking up. What tools can be provided and taught to manage the cracks and what kind of supernatural glue can keep the pieces from breaking apart? 

Her voice became a faint whisper as I leaned in across the bed to hear,  "Mom I'm scared I may hurt myself", this unsure, helpless statement made my fear a reality.  

The darkness is trying to defeat her but it will have to go through me first. Immediate plan of action-fall to knees in humble, helpless prayer. Releasing what I have no power to control and letting go again and again of the idealism that a perfect life can fix a imperfect brain-that all the medication, therapists and doctors in the world may fail but the truth I grasp onto with all my might, is embedded in the one who will never fail.

If she leaves this world sooner then my time line for her,  I will know I have fought a damn good fight and I am reassured she will await my arrival in the glory of God's loving arms. Until then, the battle we rage is different then physical disability but similar in the challenge of the unknown. Mental health is the hidden disability that plagues so many; some have found a mask to wear that keeps them safe, others are labeled and others hide in isolation. The world judges from the outside and when the disability is not seen at first glance we make no room for error, weird or different. 

Laughter is a rare treat not be taken for granted, peace is a luxury not to be exploited, joy is the thing we search our whole life for and acceptance is the one thing that makes the heart keep searching. Making room for different can open a window to WONDERFUL!