The Fork In The Road

The entire month of April I wrestled with my post for Autism Awareness month.  I kept coming back to the realization that everyday is autism awareness for our home, so the post is landing in May instead of April mainly because April was a tough month. The adjustment of medication changes is hard on the family unit and truth be told I was running low on positivity. Over analyzing, under communicating, fear winning over faith and barely managing could be the entire post but at the end of the dark tunnel comes sunshine and with that bright light, I am inspired to write.

Knowing that we have a multitude of choices in any given situation pushes fear out of the drivers seat.  From the moment we were able to choose, we have had a continuous wave of choices. Every moment we are making choices, choices what to do with time, what to eat, how to feel, what to drive, where to work and what to believe. What do I do with my first step out of bed, what choice do I make at the yellow light, at the grocery store, what choice do I make when I disagree, when I feel sad, angry or tired. Past experience lead to making positive or sometimes negative choices.

Parenting has a different challenge, our choices directly effect the lives of another. This realization so clear in my mind as if it was yesterday. The choices began before she was even introduced to the world. The conscious decision to make changes, to abstain from negative environmental, harmful toxins that you could put in the body, exercise or not exercise, can I take a Tylenol, should I sky dive pregnant?  

The fork in the road: deciding to go right or left to veer off or to stay on course, to speed up or slow down. We can not determine the outcome but we can be mindful of the consequences our decisions have on our children's lives. Intentional pauses made at the fork for clarity and guidance, seeking insight and accepting help has made the biggest difference in the outcome thus far.

A friend and I sat together on Mothers Day for a brief, kid free moment watching a toddler run around and I smiled "do you remember that stage? It seemed impossible to imagine how we would make it to today, the task then during that season seemed so daunting. Reflecting back I found myself in a place of surrender and gratitude. 

The choices made at many forks in the road has lead to small rewards, the budding of seeds planted now show signs of vibrant color. Refreshed and inspired to keep pausing at the fork will carry me through the rest of the day. Her brilliant response "those days required soooo much physical energy and this stage requires soooo much emotional energy", paved the way to the next fork.

How true I thought and now I pause at this fork in the road, shifting gears to remind myself that staying emotionally, physically and spiritual healthy to sustain this new emotional neediness is crucial. What my children learn from this new challenge will be a foundation for future relationships and managing societal pressure. I look right, I look left, slowly rolling into the new territory of teenager years using great caution and discernment. 

A brilliant mentor once said "find a women who has walked in your shoes that you respect and emulate her, don't go it alone and pray about everything, releasing what is out of your control, resting in the good times so you can fight in the bad."

At the fork: pause, seek council, surrender, dive in, let go, stay strong and no regrets.

 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. “

 2 Timothy 4:7