Chance for Change

Losing something or someone gives us a new perspective into what it feels like to live without that person or thing in our lives. Everything around you is effected and influenced by the new normal, the quietness, the stillness of what is missing. 

The mind begins to adapt and create new patterns not necessarily out of desire but out of necessity to overcome to pain or suffering. The mind tries to replaces that constant visual image in our subconscious with other things but we stay focused on remembering as if forgetting or changing that picture in our head is wrong or uncaring. 

 

Losing Chance, our foster dog, reminded me to care more about being together then doing, reminded me that working hard for something or someone REALLY does make a difference, it reminded me to fight for what I know is true, reminded me to keep living my best self in spite of others defeating words and to stay encouraged when despair fights for control. 

Losing a dog could be considered a casual loss where losing a loved one is the kind of loss that changes the core being of a person but learning to live with loss on any level is profoundly important because it is in those moments that form who we are 

The character that is formed in those moments of loss shapes how we respond to the big moments in life and what makes character change possible. Gods work in us is a process, not an event or new years resolution. It progresses not in a step to step chart but in the thousand little moments of our mundane daily life.  

May we spend 2019 waking up to each day committed to live in ALL the small moments with open eyes and humble, expectant hearts.  

Happy New Year  

Thank you for giving Chance so much of your time, love and effort!

A tribute to my Lucy

This moment is inevitable when you say YES to adopting a dog BUT it does not change the loss you feel when they are gone. 

This day will always be so vivid in my mind as we drove at light speed to Bastrop from Dallas to save Freddie, your son, a Doberman from a back yard breeder. Well..... we thought the journey was to save Freddie but God had a better plan and the trip saved Lucy, then Lucy saved me.

This really is not just a blog post about a DOG, its about the journey of love that we all have the option to take. Giving life to someone or something that otherwise may not have that option. Recusing has a mutual return!

Lucy was a momma that survived horrific conditions, then found new life with us in return for her strength and gentle spirit. She became an extension of me from the moment I saw her in my rear view mirror.  

The fight in her is my hope for all of us. Quiet, selfless, patient friend you will be so so missed.  

 


You loved every little creature we brought home to meet you, watching over kittens, chickens and lizards as if they were own. Sharing your space, your food and water bowl. 

Leading new puppies to obedience and finding life in old dogs as you were steadfast and held your head up high. Not to mention the large amount of compose you consumed on a regular basis or the massive messes you left us in the living room to clean up. 

Your legacy of AWESOME DOG status will live on, even though you never gave a single lick to anyone, you showed love by butting into us. You laid by our side through surgeries, sickness, and long naps. Nothing was more valuable to you then being close to us, what a lesson in priorities you have taught me. 

If you had the option to walk in the grass or 

splash through mud and water you went all in! No stopping you from the dirt and pure earth stuck all in your paws. You would keep going even when your legs said stop, A WARRIOR! 

  

Thank you for giving me so much time, thank you Lucy, my side kick, my tough tough girl, thank you for teaching me not to worry about stinky palms, hair all over my clothes and how clean my car was. Thank you for loving me during so many moments I felt unlovable. 

God Speed My Love....

RESCUE RESCUE RESCUE RESCUE RESCUE RESCUE -SAVE A LIFE AND YOU MAY JUST SAVE YOURSELF IN THE PROCESS. 

When Mommy becomes MOM!

The late night bottle feedings, diaper changing and constant attention stage has passed. The constant reminders to say thank you and bless you for every sneeze or comment has passed. The teaching of how to brush your teeth and take proper showers has passed. 

The Mommmmmmmmmmmmmy I need you stage for something they can do for themselves has passed. The "I forgot ________" can you bring it to me stage has passed.

Now what? What has changed and what needs to change for the next life stage to set the tone for adulthood? What prerequisites are crucial now? What will stick and become part of them? 

Even with the cultural differences in parenting regimes and the basic daily responsibilities of shelter, food and water we find ourselves at a cross road during the evolving stages of parenting. What can we offer or give to our children in this stage of life that will produce functional, productive, caring, loving and life giving adults? 

It may not always be an age number, it could be a moment that you witness the results of doing too much. The over parenting or not moving from one stage to the next, could have lasting consequences into the teen years that are not pleasant for anyone to witness.  

I sat in the car, early for carpool pick up, hoping to read a couple pages of my book (somehow that never happens). I was elated to see my son on the field, a moms dream, insight into the real world of teenage boys. That fire quickly smoothed out by the scene that transpired right before my eyes. A casual game turns into a multi-layered all out fight. 

Mommy jumps out the car to rescue and defend, until I realized jumping over the fence and running into the middle of a huge fight may not be the scene my son wants everyone remembering. 

Mom gets back in the car and spends her energy watching and assessing to prepare for the lesson I so desperately want to teach. A father beside me nods, smiles and says "Ha boys will be boys!"

Teaching begins with listening and listening begins with a desire to understand. Tone and words matter! "Hey bud, How was your day?" You can guess without me telling you the answer, "Fine". 

"Hmmmmmmm" looking calmly right into his eyes. "I was here early and saw the fight", he shuffles uncomfortable in his sit. "Tell me about it." He gives me the cliff notes version but with some vivid details I would rather not of known. 

Silence for a moment, I can hear his heart pounding and I can see the signs of stress on his face. The moment will come when he will be ready to hear me but it is not now, I must wait! Teaching many times requires waiting till the person is ready to hear you.

The time has arrived to mother, to offer insight and open the door for dialogue. "Son, I would like to talk to you about today." Sighs, looking away, then "ok". 

"Look at me son, I love you and loved seeing who you are becoming on the field today. You were strong, courageous and you wanted to defend the weak. Nothing could bring me more joy then to witness your true heart. However I need you to hear me."

"We can not go into these battles alone, the rage I saw on those boys faces today went deeper then a game gone bad, it was fear and pain and son Hurt People Hurt People. They bring to the table possibilities of poor environments, lack of parental guidance, abuse, loss, hunger or an array of other issues. We have no idea who, what or how others perceive a situation or from what background they come to the situation with."

During my time as a foster parent, I witnesses some horrific abuse, kids enduring situations that I could barely comprehend. These kids would get on the bus, go to school with all that pain bundled up inside. When the opportunity would arise to get some relief they would let it out, sometimes all at once with great intensity and power. There were many powerful moments that I would have to physically hold a child so tight through the screaming, arms swinging and the pain flowing out through crying rage. 
I remind myself to mother not smother!

"Son, what I saw was a young man unprepared to handle to battle he was walking into. What I want to teach you, a lesson I learned the hard way, is to look around first. Look right, look left, look behind you then most importantly LOOK UP!"

"If I know you look up and seek help, support and strength from the Almighty Father than ALL things are possible. I will know and be confident that as David slayed Goliath you can endure, withstand and fight against such fear and anger not with your grit but with your God. 

I would prefer you to NOT to fight ever, at all but lets be honest, life sometimes puts us in places we never thought we would go and situations we hoped we wouldn't have to face. In these moments LOOK UP, don't go alone, always be willing to walk away and let love be the force of all change." 
 He responds "I heard you MOM!"

Creating Intimacy (my summer goal)

One of my summer goals was to increase the intimacy, not only between us as a family, but for my kids to share moments together that would be building blocks for a strong future relationship. 

I assumed, before I was a mother, that just being siblings created a built in intimacy, a bond that nothing could break. As we all know that is not the case, intimacy needs to be fostered and encouraged with sometimes direct decisions. 

My son is the greatest teacher in this area, he craves quality time and I love how he soaks up side by side time, leaning in and enjoying the companionship.   

 Intimacy:

close familiarity or friendship; closeness!
 

Looking at each child's love language, natural tendencies toward certain things, habits, interest and so on, leads you to build a platform for building deeper relationships. Encouraging exploration and trying new things brings a sense of belonging even if it is a failed attempt. Fear stops growth, so go for it! The tension of stepping into the unknown together can foster intimacy.

We have seen grown men embrace and share this nurturing connection after a stressful meeting or during war time when they have spent time together fighting. We have all seen movies with two strangers that are stranded and they spend so much energy fighting the elements together they are inseparable after. The bond between a coach and a player after a physically vigorous season is undeniable. What is the common denominator in these relationships? TIME?

         Togetherness

   Intentional

      Measurable  

Effective

My son always says "I need some bonding time", I asked him what that meant and he said "when you get together and can see each others expressions, when you laugh, if you are mad or sad?"

Togetherness is a word we have lost with technology. We are at times together but NOT together! I know, you know exactly what I mean, just watch a group of teenage boys play fortnite! 

Making time for togetherness does not always have to look like it did when we were kids because lets be honest things ARE different now and acting like our kids should be able to build a house from sticks they found in the back yard just because we did as a kid may not apply to our area, culture or interest of our children today. 

We live in a digital time with technology at the forefront of every step we take, so instead of fighting against it, what can we do to work within the frame of it to bring intimacy into or back into our family life and/or relationships? Togetherness is a great start, who do you spend quality time with? How often and how long of a time is spent? 

There is no mold that produces togetherness just start small with actually being together with someone you would like to increase intimacy with. Remember when you were younger and you and a friend had a secret language, you would talk to each other and only you two could understand then giggle and giggle. 

I am the first to admit that fear has eroded my enthusiasm for togetherness. I have been battered and beat up within deep relationships and have isolated in protection BUT its time I step back out in faith. I write this post to hold myself accountable to take steps toward togetherness.  

Intentional has been on the forefront of my mind since my daughter was diagnosed with Autism and hospitalized when she was 3. I stood in the elevator riding down to the parking garage and in that moment parenting changed forever for me and for that I am truly grateful. I had been a passive parent, daily surviving the task of managing a family but it had no real purpose until I needed a purpose then it got real. Intentional daily living became a truth and a reality. 
Strategizing, encouraging, guiding and teaching now had clear direction. I formatted a daily agenda that still spurs me on to this day. I realized I needed to create a way to teach Spiritual, Emotional, Physical and Mental Well being within our household and my decisions were based on that order. Re balancing and adjusting as needed for life's twists and turns but always coming back to my core list. 

Measurable may be a little tougher to figure out for some people, so start a journal, blog, podcast or other ways of looking back helps see the trajectory of your intention. Find a reliable resource to be your guide that you trust and want to emulate. What is the end result you wish to achieve? It does not mean that if you do not obtain it you failed, it is a measure in which you can change directions to reallocate your energy, time and resources. 

I have a vivid goal in my mind of wanting my kids to laugh together, to be able to joke around and find comfort in each other when needed. This for many years was not possible in our situation but it was at the top of my priority list so you begin to say NO to some things so that you can make room and time to say YES to the things that lead you to your desired goal.

Effective (to produce a desired effect). Can we as parents, friends, spouses, siblings produce an effect in someone else? Group answer: NOOOOOOO we can not produce it but we can encourage it with how we act, what we say, our verbal cues, facial expressions, time spent and opportunities given.  
Goal + Action = Effective results?  

Soooo lets unwrap this: We have a goal of increasing intimacy which we just discussed means giving unselfishly more time to the relationship. Divide time into a pie graph and allocate your needs then divide your current responsibilities into the remaining time slots. What can you add to or subtract from to increase intimacy in your goal areas. Now that you have a written plan, tell someone about your plan to help you stay on track then.... here is the hard part. DO IT! 

Start slowing adding more time and as you see the fruit blossom from the seeds you have planted begin to assess if you need more water, sun, soil and before you know it, you have been effective in producing a intimacy garden, Enjoy and pass it on!
   

This little light of mine let it shine

Shiny lights, big balloons, scrumptious cake, a celebration of life, making memories, welcoming the new and signing off on the past year. Happy Birthday to me - oooh how precious it is this life I live!

What can I show for the past 46 years, what can I give as a gift on the day the gift of life was given to me?

These thoughts are ALL a work in progress and for some of these I have just begun to scratch the surface of my own journey, so come along with me.

 

Thanks to my Brother and Sister for keeping it real!

Why do we let others steal our joy? Still working on this one because I have a gift of compassion so I tend to let how others feel and act affect me negatively. I am working on separating how they feel from my personal joy. I have spent most of my adult life burdened for other people, its not wrong to feel sadness and pain for others but when it robs your joy and impacts your life negatively we may need a meter check. Find a happy medium.

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Don't wait to pray when your desperate. Prayer is a profound experience when it is a habit that becomes a sense of self, literally a part of your being. When I began to really dive into prayer I learned that my idealism of what prayer should be, stopped me from actually getting anything out of prayer. 
Talking to God will become part of you and a relationship between you and your Savior, it feels like a conversation with an intimate friend not a fiction super hero that becomes a stuffed animal.
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 Be real even when that means your not in the cool crowd, the popular circle, the super hip group or make the team. False advertising is exhausting and leads to misrepresentation of what and who God created you to be. Perfect in his image - you don't need someone else's image to fit in!  Many people don't want to be great because that takes work and sacrifice they just want to be perceived as great.

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Deal with reality HEAD ON. I know this sounds crazy and it will be hard, it is hard! Pain is a great teacher! You can pause or try to out run it and it will creep up on you when your not stable or scared and then it wins and brings defeat. Inhale, Pray, Exhale and boldly run forward into the eye of the storm and when the wind dies down you will be AMAZED at who you have become. Be enriched by adversity and challenges! 

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Force does not produce change. What? How can this be? I have been a force to be reckoned with my entire life! I can and will change you and myself.... NOT! I hate the fact that this is not true because I am so good at forcing but force when applied too strong breaks not changes people. 
Soften up, shut up and maybe speak up.

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People are more important then phones, _______________ insert whatever word you want but really think about how often we put __________________ in front of real, living, breathing people.

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Find your people. People say what they think but DO what they believe. Have a circle that matches your rhythm in all walks of life, they may not always go with you to the next season but they have fed your soul well during this time and place.

Discipline yourself - Can not say this loud enough. Self Control will serve you well in ALLL aspects of life. Be diligent in the small things and pursue greatness in all you do especially the things you don't want to do.

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Selfishness sparks the fire for us to look at what we don't have. Steer far away from focusing on what your missing. Transformation only happens when gratitude takes selfishness place in your head and heart.

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Take Initiative- Step up to the plate, not with force but boldness, confidence and spunk. (I have changed my initial reaction to force to spunk LOL)  If it doesn't work out OH WELL you tried, you lived and you learned. I heard this women say at a lecture that her dad asked her everyday after school "what did you fail at today?" He said if you haven't failed at something you haven't tried something new. I have thought about that many of times and ok failing everyday may be drastic but it does raise the question when is the last time I failed trying something new? 

Let some of your distractions GO. That overwhelming feeling that you can not possibly get it all done, the rush turns to panic - prioritize and let some distractions go.

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I have learned not to be dazzled by impressive resumes or fancy cars, ignite your soul with truth, fortitude and sacrificial people that do what they say and may not always say what you want to hear.

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Fear is useful but also can be very debilitating. We want to feel it because it protects us from danger however it can also be a liar when it takes our breath and stops us in our steps from the things we must do to grow. 
(Thanks Zach Williams)

 
Scars are stories to be told not spots to cover up or wish you could erase. Tell your story of grace and survival from the scars that led you hear. Ask others to tell you their story and hold on tight to wide eyes ready to share. Its a good day when someone gets to share a story!

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Say your sorry, confess and ask for forgiveness OFTEN. It is a gift and a sign of strength not the end of your life but the beginning. It is not a once in a lifetime proposal it is a life skill that produces freedom. 

Truth without love can be cruel.

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Laugh, no really just start laughing- my mom would stop us dead in our tracks and make us fake laugh until we all were laughing at each others fake laugh then laughing so hard most of the time we forgot what we were upset about. I am way tooo serious and I have been working on this -thanks to my son who reminds me to laugh.  

 

OOOOh how much sweeter God's plan if for us than any plan we could imagine, when things seem to keep falling apart they may be falling into place. We may have to stop putting humpty dumpty back together again with excess planning and fixing and let the fire produce something more beautiful then we could ever comprehend.  

It does not happen TO you, it happens FOR you!

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At times what we learn seems to contradict each other but when they are based in truth they fit like a puzzle to display at the end of our lives a portrait of his masterpiece. 

Thank you Mom for giving me life and teaching me how to Love!

Easter Restoration and Renewal

      At this exact time last week, Patrick and I just finished Easter Brunch and thought we would take a casual bike ride together. When I woke up in the ER to the sound of the doctor telling me nothing was broke and no concussion, I couldn’t help but cry tears of joy for all the people working on Easter, the time and effort they give to others everyday for the gift I had been given on this special day of renewal and restoration. From that moment till now, I have been living in a surreal state of gratitude, I have not been able to eat solid foods because of the impact to my jaw or use my hands because they caught my fall and the pain that radiates through other areas impacted from trauma have made the nights tough BUT ... what I have gained is soo much greater!  

 

 
I have to say it has a been a GREAT week of relying on others, trusting the Lord and it simplified my week not being able to flood my days with doing stuff. The priority list shifted and it was so nice to find new ways to look at the same old things. I don’t want to run from pain that could change me, I don’t want to live in fear of falling, I don’t want to stop loving and I defiantly do not want to go back to being too busy to show others how much I care. 

Dealing with reality head on is a great teacher it shows us that inattentive blindness sucks the joy out of our precious time. Trials make us open our eyes to what’s really important and today I am surrounded by a ray of light that is overwhelmingly filling my soul with joy.

When the pains stops and the wounds heals may the scars be a reminder of the love
that was shown, the lessons learned 
and the sacrifice Christ made for me on Easter and 
everyday!

The mile that changed my life!

 

Happy Happy 12th Birthday Son

Checking off the box of physical exercise with a quick power walk outside to get that Vitamin D., relax my mind and pray,  I gave a half smile walking briskly past a gentleman that I see smiling at me with a sparkle in his eye. The "TO DO" list blasting frantically in my brain starts to fade and I slow down. This vivacious 90 year old man opened my heart to a message I want to pass on to my son on his 12th birthday.

 
I celebrate birthdays for the month, a day is way too short, a week too short and a month is just right. I begin thinking of the age my kids were and the age my kids are about to be and all the things I want to say, teach and do. I observe them in a new way, I see things I normally miss, I laugh more and I love deeper the whole month. Why do we stop celebrating each other?  DISTRACTIONS! We plow through days, weeks, month and years without noticing the small changes in others and ourselves. 

My walking partner began teaching me how to feel the earth, its vibrations and how as a kid he walked around on the grass and could feel the earth vibrations through his body and now we have shoes and concrete cities, he sighs. He encouraged me to feel the earth and allow the vibrations to heal me physically, mentally and emotionally.  He continued to fill my head and heart with encouragement as we continued to feel the earth together. I asked about his life, what he had done for work, did he have children and how had loved changed him?

His life story progressed as he began telling me about losing 2 sons and how he coped with the pain "everyone that is born already has a set time to live and when that time is up we can not control that".  He told me about his professional life and the generational business that had been in his family for years and years. He would pause and make me look directly at him when he had something to say that was really important. I began seeing a 12 year old boy in his face, I saw an emerging young man on the brink of greatness and a faithful son, father and husband and I knew I had to listen intently so I could pass it on to my son. 

I asked about the hard times and the in between times and he stopped and said " you have two choices everyday when you wake up:"to be happy or not to be happy both are a choice and not being happy is the easiest choice"!  He said "we all get caught up and so DISTRACTED, only a few things are really important". 

He encouraged me to keep changing lives and that fear is a liar, to keep going and move on during those tough days. I asked about his wife and he could no longer walk and talk, he shook his head slowly side to side and said with a childish grin "I knew when I saw her more then 50 years ago walking down the stairs when she was 13 she would be my wife and I love her more today then I ever have loved her". 

What a legacy, what that mile gave me, what he offered was a lifetime of commitment, not paralyzed by fear or bound by distractions but one of joyful choices, He signed off on our walk with a slow statement reminding me "everyday is a gift, every breath is a gift, use it, cherish it and pass it on!"

What more could I tell my son, then these words from a man that has already lived a full life inspiring others to greatness.  

 

 

He gave this to me and Son I pass them on to you:

1. Don't get distracted  

2. Slow Down

3. Feel the earth

4. Look AT people

5. Listen intentionally

6. Fear is a liar

7. Everything is a choice

8.  Love Deeply

9.  Everyday is gift, Every breath is a gift, cherish it, use it and pass it on

10. Tell your story

11. Relationships matter and money is not more important than people nor is getting your TO DO list done!

12.  Don't miss out on the slow mile walk that could change your life.   

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

 1 Corinthians 13:13