Jan 23, 2009-Journal Entry

Daddy and Sky Bug

Sky,

I am willing to do whatever to help you. 

It did not go very well taking you off the full dose of your medicine. You have had some tough ups and downs but God has really helped me be more patient, kind and gentle even during the very trying times.

I feel so lost and scared. I wake up everyday not knowing what to expect.

I was just thinking about the first day I held you in my arms and since that day I have loved you more and more. Perseverence will be our new middle name.  

You have started riding your bike and you rode all the way to Cooper today. My hearts sings when your happy sweet girl! 

I love you,

Mommy

My current situation in 2010 seems so different from Jan 2009. When my daughter lets me fix her hair or allows me to briefly hold her in a tight bear hug or says hello to someone approaching us, my heart skips a beat. 

I notice the simplest things that would of passed right by me if I had not expercienced the pain in those previous years. Having a child with Aspergers is not strange anymore to me, it is normal. It is my normal and I am learning to embrace the challenges one by one. 

I am still learning to balance her needs with my sons and husbands so I am no longer consumed with HER issues, HER anger, HER disconnection but to blend HER into our family.  

With a marriage on the rocks and a son that needs a mother to be present in his life there is no time to waste.  Each moment has to count to ensure that I have no regrets.    

As Spurgeon puts it, "It is peace, sweet, deep peace which follows the horrible turmoil that once reigned in our tormented souls."