"Don't look back while running"

"Son, don't look back while running that is why you keep falling". 

The past couple of months my son has been enjoying the freedom of a good sprint but will start looking back and fall.  I give into fear as I watch him and my heart starts to pound and the anxiety sets in. Fear freezes me and I think of all the painful lessons I have had to learn from looking back.

So many memories when God seemed absent but when the scraped knee healed, the heart stopped bleeding and the dreams that were shattered were replaced with God molding me into the women I am today, I realized in my darkest moments God was working the hardest for me.  

My son will keep falling but I pray when he does look back he will see God revealing his perfect plan for him!

I can feel my heart chambers slowing down and the air begins to flow in and out again.  I am blessed with a morning of quietness to start my sprint forward without looking back into the darkness of regret. 

What if looking back continues to burn?  I feel like a tree swaying back and forth from the heavy winds of life. Feelings can lie but trusting and moving forward in God's provision out of obedience never fails.

Dec 11, 2008-Journal Entry to my son

 Dec 11, 2008

Well little man, mommy gave you quite a shock today. I have always had really long hair but I decided to donate all my hair to Lock of Love. A company that makes wigs for kids.  I want to give what has been so freely given to me and the chance to help someone like you my sweet son. 

When I came home after my haircut you were NOT happy. You kept saying "Mommy put it back on, please put it back on".  It has taken two days for you to realize that I can not put it back on. You have had a rough time looking right at me little buddy! I know you will adjust and I want you to know hair or no hair I love you more and more every day!

Love,

Mommy 










I hope to teach my kids "that comfort obtained by one can often prove serviceable to another". (Spurgeon)

God has taught me more about conviction and forgiveness in the things he has allowed to be taken away from me in my life then with the things I have been given. Like the song amazing grace "I was lost but now I am found". 
I found myself only after, like the hair cut off and only strands left, my life dramatically altered and redefined by Grace!

The Fruit of our Labor!

Happy Labor Day!

I opened my ears to the sound of my family laughing over the soft background of music playing and my mind went to a place that it had not been before. The fruit of a mother's labor is her family.

 

The attributes that we contributed to biologically, the physical effort in the daily task, the grind of teaching honor and respect, the loss of sleep over decisions made, the constant battle of regrets, the sacrifice of time for self and the gift of breath are all fruits of the labor of love.

Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. 

The strength, prosperity and well being of my family starts with the mental, emotional and physical well being of me! To be in a constant state of chaos does not produce the kind of fruit I want walking the streets in a couple years, so it is imperative that I stay healthy to keep the Labor going day after day.

With no prerequisites required to become a mom you could start this job with little to NO training. Congratulations, you are now responsible for the hows, whats and whys of this new life. Nothing like learning on the job!

God is so good to us! He gives us time to learn, if we use it wisely, this little bundle sleeps 20hrs a day at first so, I would of been smart to start my training then but exhaustion and shock took over my life so no learning happened at first.

Then toddler hood becomes the obsession of your time. New adventures every moment take your attention away from learning the job skills needed most. By now your well into your new role with no additional training skills aquired to teach this little person how to be a productive adults in society. You keep praying that this new love of your life will survive with no baggage of a traumatic childhood.

I stay on my knees that when they see the reflection of themselves in a mirror they LOVE what they see,  that they see what God sees in all of us Beauty. 

I want my kids to be like a tree so well rooted that when the worldly wind starts rocking them to and fro, they can take a hold of the precious truth of the covenant grace.