The lessons I learned about Letting go.............(lesson 2)

Cruising along the beach I realized that my life had many parallels to my ride that morning.  

To my right the sun illuminated the sea and a seagull flying free in the splendor of natures nightlight.

To my left was enormous structures built for our entertainment and enjoyment.

Houses with different frames, landscapes that filled each corner of the lot and balconies that reached out to the water. 

I rode on for a couple hours and to my amazement I found myself gazing back and forth from right to left. I discovered when my eyes stayed looking right at the steadfast sea; The glorious creation given to us, I was content, relaxed and in awe of the gift. 
When I focused my attention to the left, at house after house each one trying to make its own statement, I found myself wanting, wishing, desiring more and my hands started to grip the handle bars a little tighter as my chest began to tighten with anxiety. 

That's it!
It is not what we have, where we live, how many cars we have, if we have kids, don't have kids, married or single, it is what we choose to focus on. 
We can continue to focus on the house, the marriage, the kids, the job, the area, the school, the life that we want and the human desire will go on and on.  We would give up our soul to obtain what we think we can not have OR we can choose freedom like the seagull in the moonlight.  
The open sea is a gift from God, always constant, a gift you do not have to work for or be compared to, it is there to simply enjoy, BUT you have to focus on the right.

  Letting go of the world's view of success, Is it possible in today's society of constant consumption to only look right?

I am willing to try, for the sake of the most fulfilling ride,
A life worth lived.

The lessons I learned about .......Letting go ( Lesson 1)

Have you noticed a new babies fist, they stay clenched tight. When they start to open, it is then and only then can they welcome touch. They start reaching, holding onto things and feeling their environment. They learn and grow because of the feedback from touch.

It occurred to me that I have spent most of my life with clenched fist. Holding inside tight hands was anger, bitterness and discontentment. It is easier to guard yourself against pain and hurt when your hands do not open to feel and touch.

That heavy beat of failure, a pounding bass of disappointment that has marked my days and nights. The existence that can cause so much damage to the spirit with hurtful words, abuse and broken promises can also bring maturity, joy and fulfillment but you have to open the hands to receive first.

Giving Thanks as Ann Voskamp says "awakens me to God giving Himself to me-for me-a surrender of Love." The discipline of giving thanks helps the fist open.

August 22, 2010-Journal Entry to my Daughter

August 22, 2010

Tomorrow is your first day of kindergarten! So amazing to me that you will be in school all day. Mommy is so scared and sad but excited for you to grow and learn.  The doctors have helped us make the decision to put you in regular full time school and see how you do. I want to go to school with you everyday to guide and protect you but I know that would only hold you back. 

First School Picture

You lost another top tooth and you look so cute with a gap. We had a great summer together, you have become quite the little swimmer. Your long arms just glide through the water. You look very relaxed and peaceful when you swim. The water seems to have a calming effect. So proud of how hard you work. 

I love you baby girl,

Mommy









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I felt like I was suffocating in the dreams that had become cruel mirages and  the naive hope had started to melt but now it is hard to say I have any regret for the struggles in my life because it has created a new life in me.


I could not of imagined, on that first day of school, that we would be well into 1st grade with a affectionate, loving, brilliant and flourishing young women. A child that has friends and thinks of others. A contagious smile and loving demeanour. When your told all the above is not possible then you dispel the myth your eyes can only look up!

The routine that has been part of our life for the past couple years, the change in the way we teach her, the effort we put in to limit overload and to consistently give her enough rest, helps her handle what her mind tells her she can't. The commitment to love her in a new way, a better way, has given all of us new life.
She taught us how to let go and just LOVE! Take away the expectations and the PLANS we had and just LOVE! 
 

Sept 20, 2009-Journal Entry to my daughter

Sept 20, 2009

We had the most incredible birthday celebration-You are now 5 years old! 

Daddy and I took you and Kendyl to Fossil Rim (a wildlife park that you feed the animals from your car). You fed a zebra, deer and a ram. 

We were all scared of the ostrich, because it had scary red eyes. We had so much fun just being together and celebrating your life.

We love you so much,

Mommy

Courage grows out of difficult times. No one is born courageous! Finding strength and significance in a constantly changing world and uncertain situations can ONLY be found in the journey of faith! Celebrating my daughters life in an environment that animals were free and Skyler had freedom from anxiety and people pressures was the greatest gift of all.
 

Her love for animals and the ability to connect with them is truly remarkable.