The tools my Mother gave me!

As Mother's Day came to a close yesterday, I thought about all the tools my mom has given me. The tools we need to survive, to live, to love, to give, to fight when necessary and the tools to teach our own children.

I want to thank my mom for thinking about my future. She trained me up in the way I should go but you need to know.... I did not take the exact path she so diligently prayed and worked tirelessly for. Putting that aside when the fire of life breathed heavily down on me in high school, then college and into adulthood and now motherhood, I have her to thank for the hope she gave me.

She has passed on the tool of perseverance, the tool of not living by feelings but by honor and commitment, the tool of fighting for what is true and right for my family and for myself. The tool of bravery, the tool of consistency and the tool of always looking inside FIRST. The tool of encouragement and servant hood and the tool of self respect. The tool of how to become a wise women, the tool of admonishing myself and not giving into shame and guilt. The tool of loving without judgment, the tool of forgiving without condemning and the tool of believing without seeing. 

Now that being said I do not always use these tools she gave her life to teach me but having them rooted into my being helps to practice them and pass them on to my children.

I closed my eyes at the end of the day hoping my children can say that I gave them a similar tool box for life, necessary tools to withstand the snarls of cruelty that will appear and a joyful spirit to enjoy the laughter in between.

Thank you Mom for a job well done, for never giving up on me, for continuing to pray for me and spur me on, for parenting with joy and supporting the passion in me to pursue a life worth living.

I love you, I love you, I love you,

Your Grateful Daughter

In the glory of the moment

It is a day of all green lights. You know what I mean, when you hit the streets and all lights are green. You get to work with a smile creased across your face.

That is my week thus far - all green lights. One moment of glory following the other days of discontentment and I am left with yes mams and no thanks you's coming from the mouth of babes.

How do we celebrate moment of glory in the middle of a lifetime of chaos?

I choose to celebrate by sharing the moments with you to remember and reflect later.

The new chore chart up and they run to check off the boxes, the morning breakfast with no spills and helpful cleaner uppers. The bed time routine followed without whining or crying. The early evening quietness that relaxes the nervous system.

The days began with eagerness to learn more and completed with a verse that has been memorized with nagging. Sibling sharing without expectations!

The devil must not be attacking the A Team (my family nickname: Aspergers, Asthma, Addiction & Anger) this week.

The dryer and washer empty, the floor cleaned, the dishes done, the dogs walked the bills paid and the day still has time. 

In the celebration should come preparation for the flood- resting mind and body to withstand the next downhill slide stemming from human nature (selfishness and overdoing). 

 My preparation must include time with the God of Glory, music, laughter, sleep, exercise, open conversation with a genuine friend and stillness. 

May I reread to remember in the heat of battle against the threats of this world My moments of glory!

If pictures could tell the REAL story

If I showed you a picture of how I thought Easter weekend should look like from my expectations and it had a story behind it, it would look like this: Waking up to music playing as I start cooking all the organic recipes I had per-planned, then the Easter story reading before breakfast, each one of us getting ready for a day full of celebrating the resurrection of the King and gratitude would ring in my ears. The perfect picture of matching Easter outfits plus inviting friends over to celebrate into the wee hours of the night ending the day with a gleaming smile of thanksgiving.

Learning Lesson #1 

Take nothing on its looks; take everything on evidence. There's no better rule.” ~ Charles Dickens

 I thought instead of putting a bunch of pictures of us smiling and allowing the perception to be that we had a perfect day of celebrating Christ, I would write the real story behind our not so perfect picture.

7:30am "mommy", I respond  "Hey Kendyl want to grab my phone and play a game so mommy and daddy can sleep a little longer"?
BUT what I meant to say was ...

"Good Morning Little buddy"  it's time to take Jesus (a figurine we have) out of his tomb today. He runs to the scene of plastic figures and tell Jesus in a funny voice to RISE!

Reality is, the fighting began immediately, over how to unwrap him (Jesus), where to put him, what to do after he is out and so on.

Inappropriate non-spoken response from Mom (wooh this is going to be a loooong day)!


Learning Lesson #2  “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” ~ Woody Allen

I know I should not even try to get my sensory daughter in an itchy Easter Dress and pretty bows in her hair with cute sandals and a matching purse BUT I did! I thought I had given up on trying to make her wear certain things just for pictures. " I want to see my baby girl wearing it and so does Grammy and Daddy".  Not gonna happen!!!!

First the No! then the crying , then the trying to tolerate it and ripping it off and scratching all over and MOMMY GUILT sets in, "why would I even try that I know she does not feel comfortable in that"? Uuurgh! 

Learning Lesson #3

 Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.  ~Robert Fulghum

  
We ended up in a t shirt,  deadlocked hair, sandals (that she took off after 30 min because they hurt her feet) but we did get a black skirt on (black? really on Easter)!

The let's not make any plans and just relax today routine does not work with Skyler. She immediately said upon opening her eye balls-"ok Mom tell me in order mom, did you hear me, in order what is the plan for today?"  Well the thought of us not having a plan was too much for her brain to handle so she tried to place every things in a time line from eating to getting dressed to what are we doing for lunch and what time is bed time. "Skyler sweetheart we just woke up, it's Easter a very special day to Celebrate can we relax and enjoy the moment"?  


Learning Lesson #4
Life is what happens to you when your busy making other plans.  ~John Lennon

Lunch ends up with crying because Sky Sky having a brilliant mind that loves to organize everything wanted to put name place settings for each one of us and wrapped the silverware so tight in the napkin we could not use our utensils. Then when one of us sat in the wrong seat she fell to the floor crying that we messed it all up. We survived a Whole Foods Pre-Made Easter Lunch with 15 yucks and two spills.

Learning Lesson #5
If we are what we eat then I am fast, cheap and easy!

We were able to make it through the remarkable 2 minute Easter story with candles telling them of Jesus  (the Lord of Lords) dieing for us and coming back to life, like a magic candle his light never goes out!

 Then she heard thunder and now the story of rebirth turns into fear and anxiety of what happens if we get struck by lighting and panic sets in. 

Perfect time for learning lesson #6

 Be anxious for nothing because God already knows how our life is going to play out so why waste energy being anxious ~ Philippians 4:6

Really it is only 1pm and 4 meltdowns..........

Ok I give up and I think to myself,  if Christ gave his life for us, I can at least give up my dreams of the perfect day for the love of a child. "Skyler" I say "what would you like to do"? AND we went to garage sales, face painted (yes my face was painted like a bunny), then

No laughing

I held her hand for an hour an half while we ice skated. 

Even though she continued to nervously chew the edge of her shirt off until it was hanging down past her chest line, she was smiling and not worried about getting struck by lighting. 

Meanwhile the boys got to do BOY stuff, video games, ride scooter and build legos.

Learning Lesson #7

There is no perfect day, perfect life, perfect child, perfect body, perfect house, etc.... there is only a perfect GOD! 

A Happy Cry!

 

My daughter is a child, I am told, that has to learn emotions from a chart!

 A child that practices changing her tone of voice to learn how to express herself better. 

So......when she asked me what a Happy Cry was I paused and thought here is a teachable moment. 

We were eating dinner on a special Mommy and me date night and looking into those big blue eyes, I had a flash back of sitting in the back of my car bringing her home from the hospital.  I brushed my fingers through her hair and I said "oh I remember the day I brought you home from the hospital" and a tear ran down my face.  

Her response "Mom why are you crying", I said "it's a Happy Cry".  

"What is a happy cry?' she asked me? 

"A happy cry is when you are so joyful, so happy in a moment that your emotions take over and you start to cry". She is silent and very still, I can see the wheels turning in her head, then she says "I want to happy cry!"  

She says "ok here I go I am going to happy cry" then nothing happens and she repeats a couple times and she says "I can't do it". 

"Sweetheart" I say, "it is not something you do it is something you FEEL  And I hope you have tons and tons of those moments in your life." 

A week later we are laying in her bed and she starts kissing me and saying "mommy I loooove you" then would pause and stare at me and say it again. Strange behavior from my daughter especially and I said "what are you doing silly goose?" She said "I want you to happy cry again". I could not believe the impact the happy cry had made on her and how she wanted to duplicate the moment. 

 It was delightful to sense her sweet nature and know that she does NOT need a chart to learn feelings or expressions but people in her life that had feelings and showed real emotions with true expressions.

 A job I COULD do!

 

Monty vs Bo

The battle of: Never being happy with what you have or the saying "you always want what you don't have" is even true in dogs.

Walking my dogs today, I started smiling because I realized that our new puppy Monty was trying to be like our big boy Bo. Even though he is a Mini Dog he is trying with all his might, digging his back legs into the ground, to caught up with Bo.

I couldn't help relate that short walk to US! How we spend most of time in life digging our hind legs into trying to be something we are not. Spending energy on wasted effort in a losing battle. If we spent more time on being the BEST little dogs we could be, we would make more progress. We are all given individual gifts that can be under utilized when not cultivated.

Acknowledging weakness does not mean weak but shows respect for talent and abilities that we may not have and excelling in our strength takes courage to let go of the big dog complex. You never know what you may find when you put your energy into finding out who God made YOU to be: You my touch some people in your sphere of influence that likely no one else will touch!

Teaching Gratitude

If character is caught not taught how am I doing on teaching my kids gratitude?

The rocks sit on my counter with the words that we said out loud of all the things we were thankful for... BUT does that teach true, genuine gratitude for life, things, people, time, movement, air, wind, sky and sea? Does saying it, writing it or talking about it change the heart?

If it was a recipe, what would the exact ingredients be to make gratitude happen in me, in my family?

1 Cup Unconditional Love (even when they scream I hate you)

1/2 Cup of Awareness of the needs around you 

2 Cups of Thoughtfulness and Gentleness

1 1/2 Cup of Forgiveness and Patience

2 Tbsp of Resilience 

1/2 Tsp authority and authenticity

A dash of Consistency 

Bake on HIGH - FOREVER

If only it was this easy to add a couple things in a bowl and MIX.

 I would roll my eyes when my mom would say "Change attitude for Gratitude"

but now it is a motto that stays with me daily.  May I continue on being radical about grace and relentless about truth to stage a background of graciousness for the upcoming adults that are following my lead.

Let Go and Let God....... show you HIS plan

That phrase can be defined many different ways but for me it has one meaning "Donna stop trying to control everything, be still and let me direct your path". It was scripted across the wrinkled lines of my forehead in 1999 when I found out I was pregnant. Very shortly after getting married and moving from Florida where your environment includes beaches and palm trees, to Dallas where there is NOT, I learned that I was with child. 

Living with my dad, completing an internship and teaching 20 classes a week was not a world I particularly wanted to bring a child into but nevertheless I was going to have a baby.  Well I thought I was going to have a baby until the second visit to the doctor showed a slow heart beat. It's funny that something at the time, I thought was so insignificant could make a lasting impression on my life. "What does that mean" I asked with a naive partial smile?  "Not sure" Doc says "let's do some blood work to check hormones levels". 

Anyone that has been in this spot knows what that means, when your hormones show low, your baby is not able to survive. The hours that you wait after the blood has been drawn seem an eternity of unknown darkness, a period of waiting that cultivates patience. Patience comes hard in a hurry-up society! (Swindoll)

After multiply trips of giving blood and my hormones bouncing up and down giving false hope, the silence of the stethoscope when he placed the cold metal around my belly for one last sign of hope, proved that the "Baby is not breathing your hormones levels are down Donna, it is time to schedule your D&C".  Not the acronyms you want to hear ever in a life time. A D&C procedure may clean out the uterus but it also strips the soul of life giving energy that once carried a brief  glimpse of motherhood.  

Starting each day now making two school lunches, it seems hard to believe that I once was on a path of not ever bearing my own child. 

The tears came hard and stayed too long for a cherished life I had not known along with the pain came a false sense of control. I began to think I had the kind of power or influence to eliminate the possibilities of this happening again. On a mission to solve the great mystery of miscarriages, I followed the " I am in control" journey that took three years for me to learn,  Let Go and Let God show you HIS plan.  



It was a day like any other day, beginning the same but ending forever changed. The clock struck 2pm and it was time for an espresso, trying to pull into the right hand lane to park, I looked in the rear view mirror and my son who would of been 4 by this time was sitting in the middle of the back seat in high back car seat and he looked me right in the eyes and said "I am ok mom". I could barely get the car to the side before I burst into tears unable to even leave my car. Paralyzed with fear that I had seen a ghost and trying to figure out what it meant and why and if I had taken too much allergy medicine.

We hold onto the past SO tight sometimes that it restricts us from moving forward. Two days later I was pregnant and I remember seeing the + sign on the pregnancy test on that Martin Luther King Day in 2004 and it ALL made sense. HIS plan not mine. 

I took heart from the words of British author James Stalker who wrote, "Waiting is a common instrument of providential discipline for those to whom exceptional work has been appointed."