I love the way my son LOVES my daughter!

 I think to myself, it can NOT be easy for him to ride the roller coaster of instability, the ups/downs of his sister's fluctuating moods.  It can NOT be easy to always be careful when she becomes upset or hide when she is angry. It can NOT be easy to listen to the screaming and it can NOT be easy waiting and waiting and waiting for her to get dressed. 

Where does that kind of patience, endurance and love come from? She says sorry for the thousandth time for hurting his feelings and in his sweet voice "its OK Skywer"! It can NOT be easy accepting apologies over and over for the same thing. It can NOT be easy to not hit back or use words that cut to the bone. Where does that kind of tolerance come from? Is it learned or innate?

How does he keep giving in and giving up to her ideas and tactics without wanting his voice to be heard or his turn? It can NOT be easy to get less time with mommy and daddy, less attention to detail  less direction...... less less less may be what helps give more more more. The spirit of a patient, compassionate and selfless soul is hard to teach. 

Will the time come when staying, listening, giving and being THE kid that gives in be too much come to an end?  Will the bond that was once there be able to sustain more years of sensory meltdowns and compromise? 

My mind floods with ways to intervene and control the environment, to try and provide some kind of stability, but is this the BEST way? Does having a stable, perfect life produce stable, perfect kids? I know the answer, but does not stop a mom from thinking it. 

My fear shows its ugly head by allowing what could happen later change how I parent. Can I release the apprehension of the future and live in today? Loving how my son loves my daughter, fostering consistent boundaries, providing opportunities for his growth and acknowledging his temperament to compromise. 

Today I will enjoy my son's easy nature in which he can change plans in a moment without a meltdown, celebrate his ability to amuse himself during the waiting and thanking God for a son that loves his sister well right now.  

I do not have a manual for the rest of this story but I have an idea for today, speaking truth, being open, allowing for chaos, moving toward simplicity, striving for more laughter and releasing my own fear and tension of the uncontrollable outcome of tomorrow. Trusting the Lord that gave me the gift of motherhood that he knows Best. God's got this, he already has the blue prints and I need to rest in his assurance.

I LOVE the way my son loves my daughter and I pray it never changes, that he will learn HOW to love deeper because she needs him to LOVE her just the way she is. 

Kendyl Clayton Fisher may your heart follow the one who wrote the book on how to love and may your life be a life that others will say "He loved us well". 

Finding Contentment

Can you actually find it, is it taught or learned?


I am not an expert by ANY means on giving advice concerning contentment or anything else for that matter so rest assured that even as I write this, I have a daily and life long battle of being truly content physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I was asked to give a self esteem talk to a group of 8-11 age girls and I was NOT prepared for the task before me. What I had been taught all my life about contentment was no longer enough to battle the pressures of today's world. I talked of course about learning to be content with being vertically challenged, that being a grown adult under 5 feet has its ups/downs, the fact that I had brown eyes and curly hair. It was very naive of me to think that these things were anything close to what these precious souls had to compete with. One girl started talking loudly that you could wear contacts, dye your hair, get a breast augmentation, buy high heels and on and on she went about all the things she could change to FIX what was wrong with her. My heart started pounding inside my chest what could I-little me, say to make a BIG difference. What if this sweet child could not afford to perform all these acts of self improvement or after she did she still wasn't content, then what? 

Think with me for a moment, True or False we want something, we then work, ask, steal, manipulate or create that object of our affection. Are we then content because we have worked so hard to obtain it and feel satisfied?  

Or 

If we think before hand, I really want ..... (you fill in the blank) so I ponder WHY do I feel the need to have this? Am I assuming it will bring me joy? Am I replacing a empty hole inside? Do I think people will love me more or want to spend time with me if I have this or look like this? You answer the above questions honestly and realize its not a need per say, just a desire that is possibly unhealthy at this moment because of the motives and live without it. Does this bring contentment because you have mastered your desire?  

Ok!!!! you have learned to live without A, B and C and your on a path of right motives and working hard for the right reasons and you end up acquiring all the above things you once desired anyway. Maybe in a different size or color but still in the same ball park so NOW are you content?

 A quote from my mom when I actually started listening to the things she said, impacted me.
"I saw this dress I really wanted today but I didn't get it and it wasn't like in the past when I would be resentful because I could not have what I wanted but for the first time there was something more important that I wanted to do with my money that allowed me to walk away being content with what I already had".  
AWWWWWW value in something more significant allows a seed of contentment to breed inside us. 

It comes up all the time-how do I learn to be content. Contentment vs Happiness vs Joy, it may not be as easy as adding or subtracting that equals the perfect end result. None of us are exempt from the thoughts of wanting what we don't have in any area of our life and we manifest the symptoms of discontentment different then others. Some internally struggle some externally scream look at me. It is highly probable that all issues of discontentment are initiated from that lovely word and feeling we pretend not to have, FEAR!!!! 
Fear of maybe losing what we once had or working so hard to achieve. Fear we may never have what we have so longed for. Fear of ourselves or others, fear of letting go of so much we lose sight of who we were or fear of who we will become. 

The contentment battle begins before we can even spell the word. We can see it anywhere and everywhere if we stop to observe children- they notice someone or something they don't have or do have, but want more of and off they go with plans to obtain what they desire either with brute force, manipulation or whatever tools is available for them to use to get what they want. This skill of resourcefulness is what I have patted myself on the back for having all these years and told myself or was told by others or society that it is a GOOD character trait to have or be blessed with. I am not disagreeing, however THE REASON for wanting what I don't have may be the ingredient that has led to discontentment. 

So when my I phone camera changes from taking a picture to me looking at myself and what I see staring back at me opens the flood gates of discontentment what do I do? When my child is throwing a tantrum in public AGAIN, what do I do? When my house is always dirty or work is tiresome and bills still can not get paid, what do I do?

Why do I need a flawless face, perfect husband, house, car, body, child, job etc........... Are my reasons to glorify myself, be glorified by others or glorify my God. Hmmmmmmmm When I stopped trying to manipulate and started to listen and really look deep at the reasoning for wanting, it was all selfish desire and mostly FEAR. Yes at times it was out of necessity and my fight or flight personality but let's be honest in careful analysis of some tough times, my fight has been to control out of fear and not being CONTENT.

If acknowledging our faults is the first step to creating change, NOW WHAT? 

 What is the magic formula that we all look for on how to fix ourselves? 

This + this = contentment!

Not Magic but insight-fulness, reasoning and evaluating with purposeful,  intentional and cognitive awareness of the Why's behind the Wants will help direct a heart away from the gloom of discontentment.  

Saving enough energy to parent well!

 
Remembering back to the time in my life when responsibilities and consequences were not as heavy as now. When working all day and playing all night with energy left to spare was a way of life for me.

Conserving energy was the LAST thing on my mind.  Being a natural work alcoholic is suppose to be a strength in ones life, but as you begin a family and taking care of others becomes a full time job your work ethic has to change. Well it doesn't HAVE to change but someone or something along the way will suffer if that self serving lifestyle is continued for too long.

The funny part is, I hear it all the time and it reminds me of myself, when a new mom or a first time pregnant mom says "well I am going right back to work, or they try to convince someone that they will be able to resume the current responsibilities in the workplace once the maturity leave is over". NOT!!!!

This, not even, 10lb little bitty human can rock your world from the first cry. That first glance into the most precious, miraculous face changes EVERYTHING! From long morning runs around the lake to long nights meeting her every need. From sitting and enjoying a hot cup of fresh coffee to sitting and nursing. From going to the movies to watching a movie at home. From brushed hair and shaved legs to I will just shower later. From adult parties to Chucky Cheese pizza. From a small compact car to a dirty mini-van. From afternoon bike rides with friends to holding up a bike for a 2yr old. From adult conversations to saying over and over "use your words". The list is truly endless what a parent gives up to raise a child.

In my personal journey these past couple years of motherhood, learning to conserve energy for the important things, I have had to almost die to self in order to provide my version of an ideal home life for my children. A home that will enrich and cultivate an atmosphere that will set the stage for adulthood. Is this necessarily a bad thing? Can not answer that question for anyone else but I can for myself and after careful evaluation and some long hard searching days, I have concluded NO,  it is not a bad thing. It truly has been a decision from the heart and maybe from the checking account....... but to start changing where I give, how much I give and to whom I give, in order to have something left over to give to my family has not been a bad thing. The results of being available mentally, physically and emotionally for my family is astronomical.  

It is not enough to give up the easy things, it is in giving up the hard things that you make the most significant difference. It is the extra 20 min back rub, the night after night routine that says I am here, the teacher conference that mess up your entire day, its the CONSTANT controlling of self to teach control. It is saying no to a $300 dress and getting one at TJMAXX so your daughter can have a new bike. It could be, NOT stepping in to save the day or refraining ones self from fixing a mess or cleaning a room to teach independence. 

It is in that moment when you feel like your drowning in a sea of heaviness and saying to yourself,  I can not do one more tub of laundry or clean one more paint brush or drive to one more game in this heat that I think about my life before kids and put a smile on my face and feel overwhelmed with gratitude that for this time in my life I have made the choice to die to self in order to teach, to serve, to give and to LOVE. All that being said,  I am not quitting my job but the point is I do not want to be defined by my job ( and you know how I love me some Pilates),  I do not want to be defined by the amount of activities I have signed up for or the amount of money I make; I want to define and be defined after a selfless God that taught us all how to serve others and in that serving I pray my kids will learn to serve and to love. I want to keep growing as they grow, to keep learning so they can learn through me and when the time comes for them to serve me in my old age, may the serving be joyful, not a burden.

From years of making bad choices to suddenly having a reason to make good choices I have found  freedom that brings contentment in the selflessness act of parenting. When every moment of our day is making choices from food, to appropriate clothe, to time spent, we have to choose to save and conserve energy to have back up to give when the heat is on. When the emotional, physical and spiritual bank account is empty and that sweet hand reaches up to meet yours and you meet it with fatigue or anger they know, they sense and they feel it to. I am learning to meet that hand with clarity in who I am and give the best of myself not the left overs. Choices....

Validation

Leaning my weight into the table as the speaker talked about invalidating your spouse, it was a marriage lecture I was attending, but I suddenly was applying it to parenting. Of course I was... that's what moms do, apply everything to parenting, could be one of the reasons I needed a marriage lecture (chuckle). 

Truth be told, I identified with this term INVALIDATING, in the way I spoke to my daughter. I understood at that moment that when I try to tell her she doesn't feel a certain way, or what she meant to say or do was this, it is invalidating. My daughter's emotional expressions were dealt with appropriately and I have responded inconsistently, which does not allow much room for confidence. 

The reflection of myself in the mirror of life, 
stung like a bee as I was reminded about the past corrections I had made as a mother. How thankful I am that it IS possible to change and our relationship can be nurtured back to vibrancy.

When change is on the menu where do you look to learn, to read, to follow, to get knowledge about what you need to know. In this vast world of easy access anything, it can be overwhelming to the searching mind.

Narrowing my search has made it easy to weed through the constant bombardment of media. The advice I seek, the books I read, the sites I visit and the people I want to emulate, all have a peace that comes from the Savior. We have already been saved from our poor judgement,  backwards priorities and our scaring invalidation. We have been set free to choose and I choose life, grace, forgiveness and most of all change. 

I want to validate others in all my relationships but mostly with my daughter, so she will know in the deepest core of her being that she is loved unconditionally not just by her mother, who is still being molded herself, but also by the potter, the creator of ALL heavens and earth! The journey begins to discovering who Sky truly is, who she is created to be and not who I think she should be. 

But now, O LORD, you are our father; we are the clay, and you our potter; and we all are the work of your hand.

Isaiah 64:8

 

A mother's virtue

My son heard the groaning hufffff come from the kitchen, he responds "mom whats wrong"? 

"Nothing son, Why"? 

 "What was that noise you made, the hufffff sound"? 

It was then I realized, I am at a pivotal point in parenting. It matters more WHAT and HOW I do things, then what I say. I have heard the saying: kids see what you do, not what you say BUT to truly experience that development in your role as parent, change from just meeting a child's basic needs to EVERYTHING matters; your movements, your sighs, your expressions, your responses, your decision making, your appearance and on and on it goes, is a new level of awareness for me. 

 They see, they hear, they notice, they REPEAT! 

I started to wonder what do they REALLY see and hear in me? I have shown the best and worst side of myself. I have experienced a rainbow of emotions in front of them crying, laughing, anger, passivity to aggressiveness and independence to fear and loneliness. My greatest fear is the deep rooted sadness that plagues my soul, will manifest itself and penetrate them in a way that they begin to emulate my internal responses and the boiling rage that seizes my veins will spoil the joy that should be in its place.

 
Can the high pitched "Good Morning sweet loves" as they walk into my room mask the feeling of inadequacy that seep through my wrinkles. I immediately begin to pray the minute I open my eyes, "Lord Grant me the strength today to have a mothers virtue, to withhold the darts I want to toss with my words and expressions, to engage in the pettiness of child's play and to clean up the same mess over and over without huffing". These small things will be my greatest regrets if not well attended to now.

I love you son! I wish I could take the heaviness of this life and the burdens that I carry away from you, but you too will have your own struggles in-spite of my best efforts. Praying God wins more than any other desire that tries to take a hold of you. May I guide and teach you, until my last breath, the truest fulfillment of the soul!

I have fought a good fight, I have finished the the race. I have kept the faith. 

 2 Timothy 4:7

Character Training 101

As human beings we all have character flaws. Some flaws we are born with, (part of our DNA), others we acquire with time and experiences. As a parent what tools can or do we use when we notice a character flaw in our child. Having a daughter with Asperger's takes parenting to a new level because the supposedly flaws are not part of having bad character but part of not knowing or the ability to understand BUT for my son..... however, when flaws show up it is a character issue that needs some TLC.  

That moment when we see the dishonesty, the selfish, the prideful, the angry or the entitlement monster rear it ugly head from the face of our precious child shows us that,  a child's response shows the condition of the heart. How can a mother change the course of action in parenting, that penetrates to the core being of who they will become as adults? 

If we discipline the action but don't address the spirit who will the child be when no one is around? If we accomplish a response of "yes Mama", does it guarantee they become polite adults? If the goal is to just change the action, will they be able to apply appropriate life skills to tough situations? The days are coming when the pressure will mount and the core values of character will be challenged.

I asked my son to please go get his friend a drink out of the frig and his response was, with a smirk and sassy tone "I am not his slave". I responded "No your not, but he is a guest, so what do you think would be a great way to show your friend that he has value and you appreciate him coming over to play with you"?  The lack of response was enough of a response for me to realize that I have a very small window of time, not to force or demand but to guide and direct my son into having a servants heart. A man that takes honor and pride in serving others not being served.  I suddenly remembered a verse my mom would quite often quote growing up, or course then it was like a tornado siren to my ear but now it is sunshine to my rain.  

 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 

I acknowledge that this is taken out of a passage that is meant for us to study as a whole, but for starters I am using this as the first building block to my sons training course in Character Training 101.

 

Let the training begin! NO better place to start then being thankful, grateful & overwhelmed with gladness for what we have been given. Think about what makes you thankful...... when you have lost something you cherished or had to learn to do things a little different because the easy way had been lost or unavailable.  I have found myself extremely grateful when I realized that what I had could be gone in a instant.

Finding constructive ways to open my son eyes to the comforts that he has been given and allowing him to see that he has taken for granted the resources that may not always be there. Loving him enough to start showing him what we all chance to lose without a perspective of humility, so..... not if he experiences loss in life but when he does, he can find his way back to humanity with our grateful spirit in tact. Like the song Amazing Grace "I was lost but now I am found, I was blind but now I see".  Opening his eyes to the reality that life is a blink and EVERY decision counts.

The first step for me as teacher, is to do my own heart check-He cannot learn what is not seen and lived out in me. May this day and everyday after be a day that he sees humility and servant hood in me. For there has been NO greater joy in my life then to have given away my very soul but to have received back ten folds the blessings. 

 

Sibling Passivity

Is he sitting there non responsive because she (being his sister) is always screaming or because he is a quiet & content child?  Does he look away from her when she is aggressive because he is scared or sad? Does he hide in quiet corners away from the darting arrows of her tempted responses because he is mad? Does he love her no matter what she has done and is capable of doing? How does my inappropriate responses affect his image of me as his caretaker? How does a sibling navigate through the storms of his life without making waves? 


My daily search is, for ways to help him have a "NORMAL" childhood, dashing in to keep him safe from the contagious aggression that plagues his sister. He has a sensitive spirit that is being molded and I wander into deep thought about the way he is impacted and how does the world look from behind those big blue eyes.


 
My repeated fear is my unconscious neglect of his emotional needs as I try to orchestrate the environment so my daughter is thriving. The balance of time is tilted in the favor of the special needs child, so the sibling gets left behind which leaves scars of a different kind. The price gets paid, but who pays it? At the end of my race will I look back and find regrets leaning toward his soul or will I be content with the price I paid for the loves of my life? I must continue to look toward his direction to search for his non spoken needs and be there for that silent cry of attention.  My open heart bleeds out prayers that his passivity toward her be out of LOVE for her needs and not a way of coping. May he find JOY in the midst of daily chaos. May he find his own light to be a beckon beyond the darkness of his life behind closed doors. 

   Kendyl you have a brilliant zest for life and a vibrant, easy going, fun loving personality that

lights up my every day!!! 

  I love you Son. Thank you for loving Skyler and being a brother that protects and cherishes her.  

The Sacrifice

I had my arms stretched out in a T with my head facing the sun, eyes closed and tears rolling down my cheek, as I cried out  "God help my baby girl"!

She had a long week of anxiety and raging fits that scared me. Her mood swings had become unpredictable and so frequent that the rest of us were on edge waiting for an explosion at any moment.

I paused in my pleading, to realize at that moment, I had never understood at this level before the condition of Christ's heart when he hung on the cross for US. He cried out to God to save US, he said "for they know not what they do". We are his children and he pleaded to his father to help us, as I was in that moment pleading that God would help her.  

"Lord,

 Please take from me whatever she needs to be whole, I will sacrifice anything I have to give her a better chance at life. God please protect my son's spirit from the verbal daggers & emotional neglect that is his cross to bear. Give us peace about the way we nurture and guide her and patient to endure the treacherous moments of instability. May we embark on the rocky ground with tenacity, filled with applicable teaching moments and grounded in truth and faith. 

Your weary but faithful & willing servant

Donna

Till Death Do US Part- A Heart Change

DANGER: is right.....putting two selfish, control freaks together is Danger with a capital D.





 

Till Death Do u Part!

Does anyone even use this saying anymore? Does anyone really know how hard that will be when they say it? Does anyone really mean it when they say it? I can not answer for anyone else but I can tell you that for me, the saying has increased in value over the course of the last 13 years of marriage.

Observing who you are becoming when your bound to another person, for a considerable amount of time, could be frightening to some and refreshing to others.

How do you grow stronger together when everything about who you are is changing? The wrinkles are by far the least important of these changes!!!!

The way you experience life on all levels is evolving and the path of maturity may lead you in opposite directions.  


One of my favorite verses to cling to, is a section of Romans 5.

• "we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts. 

Think about that for a moment, suffering can cause one of two things within our hearts, perseverance or bitterness. The profound truth is, it is OUR choice which one will happen. Suffering has long been part of any relationship, siblings, mother-child, spouse, friends or family member and within the thread of each relationship are moments of suffering.









Pictures only show smiling faces and supposedly HAPPY people but the truth behind closed doors is sleepless nights, the name calling, the walking out, the lieing, cheating and debilitating glares, the backwards parenting, the upside down finances, and the revolving door of stress. The suffering can break you down, pull the life out from under your feet, stab the knife in your back and bring you flat down on your face. What you do when you get there, is what makes the heart grow fonder or farther!

Nothing but Grace has stitched this hardened heart back together and the scars of life have been etched on this aging heart with such tenacity that it could stop beating at any moment. The once happy ever after smile now covered in duck tape and a couple staples has built character and character, hope.


I write with the greatest expression of LOVE this Valentines Day, that your heart may be filled with perseverance and with perseverance, character and HOPE!

Stay Calm and Love Sensory Kids

 She is carefree as the wind, singing and dancing one minute then ripping her clothes off kicking and screaming the next! Yes I know typical female!!! but what makes sensory issues a LITTLE different is the uncontrollable and unpredictable outburst that at times are very dangerous and scary. 

There are times when I can anticipate a full meltdown is coming and I immediately move into a plan of action, that over time we have tired to perfect. It seems to work well getting everyone and everything out of her way before the tornado of over stimulated eruption happens. 

I try to plan the space, activity and time well enough to spare the dramatic scene but there are those times when I can not predict or explain the reasoning. I remember the time when I tried to do too many errands after school. She runs out of Target, into a full parking lot, screaming and flailing arms, it took about 30 min of sitting in my locked car to get her calmed down enough to get her seat belt on and her safe enough to drive. OR....

The time we tried to go to a party with those super fun bounce houses and the noise those air filled play bubbles make is wayyyyy too much for sensitive ears and processing systems.  She held tight hands over her ears with eyes bulging out and a painful look across her face followed by the meltdown that caused other parents to look at me with THOSE judging glares. I threw her over my shoulder and ran through the parking lot as she proceeded to kick me in the thighs while punching me at the same time into my mid back simultaneously on beat with the screaming.  

The times when I don't know what precipitated a reaction I just have to adapt to her needs at that moments. Quiet space, alone to think and breath, changing clothes, taking off shoes, blankets, soft music or me saying "its ok Sky, it's ok bug, it's ok sweet love".

Today seemed like a normal productive day at school as she ran to me saying "Mommmmmy"
 (one of my favorite moments). "What's the plan she says"- she always has to know the plan and if it is going to change she needs to know why.
I give a couple options, she chooses and off we go. She repeats several times that it's loud in the car even though no music is on and windows are up, so my son and I try to hold our breath maybe that will help!!!

I begin to hear her tone change and she sounds raspy and using very short aggressive phrases to speak to us. Normal plan of action in place  but as we ALL know even the best managed plan does not always work. I start to talk about animals that seems to snap her out of it and ask her questions about lizards. She is now shouting the answers followed by saying repeatedly "I DONT CARE, I DOONT CARE" I I I DOOONT CARE", not sure what she doesn't care about but I do know whatever it is has pushed her past her limit of coping.  Considering we are outside, I rush to get indoors before someone calls the cops. Several doors get slammed, my son gets kicked and I get a timer thrown at me and I think is this Deja vu. This place we are in now has cobwebs and it seems like a foreign place. I remember being here, like driving by the old house you lived in high school but you don't really want to stay long. What happen today, where was she, how did sunshine turn to rain in less than an hour? 

The windows in her room are open and violent screaming is radiating across the driveway and I am fearful someone may worry about her well being. I want to go up the stairs but I can feel the anger still too explosive in me to attempt the interaction that could turn to a regret. The minutes turn into hours and she is fading in her fight and when I peek in her room she is curled in a ball with a mound of blankets piled on top and she looks frightened by the angry look on my face.  A hand written note lays on the ground: "I am sorry I just can't help myself....."

This calls for a hot bath, warm dinner and a back rub.  I am so glad I did not open that door with guns blazing, she needed me to be what she couldn't be CALM and CARING. Mommy lesson #50000 Stay Calm and Love Sensory Kids

Sensory sensitivity refers to a pattern of sensory processing that is characterized by low sensory thresholds and a passive self regulation strategy (Dunn, 1997); when people have a sensory sensitivity pattern of sensory processing, they detect more input than others. The Sensory Profile measures cover the life span, and use informant report to evaluate a person’s sensory sensitivity tendencies. Children who have sensory sensitivity patterns are distracted, hyperactive and can be complainers. They notice many more sensory events than others do, and comment about them with regularity. We hypothesize that they have low thresholds that enable them to have a high rate of noticing what is going on around them. These children use passive strategies in that they allow things to happen and comment rather than removing themselves (as a Sensation Avoid-er is likely to do). Dunn and colleagues have conducted national studies of infants, children and adults with and without disabilities, and have found that persons without disabilities of all ages seldom engage in sensory sensitivity behaviors, and that people with disabilities such as autism, Asperger syndrome and ADHD are significantly more likely to engage in a high amount of sensory sensitivity patterns. When a person has sensory sensitivity patterns, interventions are directed at providing more structured input, so that the person does not become overwhelmed in everyday life.

Free Will

 

The truth is, we ALL have a battle going on inside of us, called Free Will! Free will left completely unattended would be similar to a wild animal. The truest form of purity is when the restraints proposed by society, religion or nature are released and we are free to choose without prejudiced. The year behind me has been about learning the difference between free will vs. uncontrollable situations.

The daily tug a war between my daughter and I, is me on one side not sure when to discipline her for the things she can not control versus the areas in which she chooses to use free will inappropriately.

She sits crying on her bed and I desperately try to reason with an irrational temper and her raging emotions that are running freely. She says what I needed to hear for clarity in my quest for how and when to discipline. She says "I only have attitude with you MOM". 

So............ little darlin this is not ones of those situations that you can not control your emotions due to over stimulation or processing issues, it is because your CHOOSING to NOT obey. I was so relieved, in that brief moment, for the path was then clearly paved for me. Time to discipline and teach alternative and appropriate ways to cope.
  

The lesson I want to impress upon her is that choosing her own free will comes with consequences. 

The same goes for the beginning of a new year for her, me and everyone. What I do, how I talk, when and how I work and who I am on the inside will bleed into the person I will become. The character of a person is not about the wrapping on the outside but about the choices we make that eventually become the true gift.

May your new year be filled with outrageously fun and adventurous free will that is tamed with self control, love and truth!

He who guards his mouth and his tongue, Guards his soul from troubles.
Proverbs 21:23