March 2008-Journal Entry to my Daughter

Skyler,

Your my baby! That is our little saying-I love it when you get in one of your moods and I can hold you close. You able to talk to me a little now even though you do not say much. 

I have the monitor on right now listening to you sing yourself to sleep-"Jesus loves the little children" then right into "ABC's". 

You were laying on your bed tonight and rolled to your side propped up on one elbow and looking right at me like a big girl you said "When I get Big I will wear panties to bed" then you said after a pause "I'm not big yet".

When I looked over at you, I could not believe how old you looked. My little women!

How I pray God gives me the wisdom to teach and guide you. I am scared to death of this journey. 

I love you so much

Mommy

My daughter has never been the cuddly type. So when she offers a hug you take it. When others are hugging and she wants to part of the in group she allows herself to be hugged. Touch is uncomfortable to her as most parents of Aspergers kids know. 

We began like the typical parents when someone would say ooooh how sweet your daughter is so cute and want to pet her. We would say "SKYLER say hello" or give high five or a hug to this person and my sweet daughter would freeze and refuse to even make eye contact with the person. We even went as far as disciplining her when she would not acknowledge people because we thought she was being rude or disrespectful to others.  

I longed for the mother daughter closeness many of nights when she would pull away from me at bedtime and I would blame myself.  It was not until one night I pulled out some of my old therapy books and starting reading about sensory integration. It was one of my favorite topics in school and I had studied the brushing program and even had administered it. I started working on helping her process sensory input with sounds and touch. 

I was not sure at the time if any of it helped but I truly believe today when she runs to me as I walk int he door and jumps in my arms all that matters now is that I tried.