October 3, 2008-Journal Entry

Sky Sky,

Oh darlin my heart has been so heavily burdenend by what is going on with you these past two weeks. You have continued with these raging fits, hitting mommy, biting and pulling my hair. So aggressive, so scary! You are struggling to just get dressed in the morning. You sleep till 10am and have started talking with this deep voice. 

Your father took the weekend off after it took 4 hours to calm you down last night.  We eventually had to give you some medication to calm you down. I never in my wildest dreams would imagine that I would have to give my 4 yr old daughter medication, but we do celebrate that they are available to help.

I have flooded my mind with quilt trying to figure out the why's and what's.  I ask myself what have I learned through all this and I keep coming back to we may never know the why's and what's, we just have to believe that God has a plan. I know God loves you and is protecting you.

Your daddy has been by your side praying and taking very good care of you.  He woke up early to go sleep in your bed so you would see him when you woke up. He has been really concerned. He loves you so very much sweet girl. 

We have more test scheduled this week and I pray for answers. 

Love,

Mom

Guilt had kept me from seeing God's hand of grace in our lives. 

To hear her laugh in the other room, go upstairs by herself, give a unsolicited hug, show empathy for hurting others or just sit and talk to me are the moments I would of taken for granted if I had my son first. I would not of seen any of the small things as a gift. A very precious gift.

As a mom I started learning about the little things that would help my daughter be the best she could, as we all have to do in life. What were the areas I needed to change to help her survive this cruel, unforgiving, judgmental world.