You are becoming such a women. Talking more and more, you are so smart! We took a family trip to N.C. and that was a little stressful being in the car for so long. Mommy became pretty agitated and I am feeling guilty about how I treated you. I get so scared that my anger is going to rub off on you. I do not want to do anything to hurt you. I pray every day God will give me the patience and soften my heart.
You are really warming up to your brother. Today you ran across the floor and gave him a big hug. He is going to be a great little big brother.
I love you baby girl,
Mommy
One of my greatest fears, which is always why I waited later in life to have kids, is that my children would be exposed to the anger I had inside. The anger that had crippled me in High School, hurting those I loved the most. The anger that was dormant from abuse in past relationships. The anger that as a child I had experienced and the anger that I had unleashed on so many others in my life. I was sometimes afraid of myself and the ability to lose control was so easy. Why would I want to pass that on to a child? The thought of hurting my kids was a burden to heavy to carry.
As Skyler's tantrums began to progress out of control and her ability to communicate was still a struggle, I feared my ability to mother her and wanted to abandon my family. The source of comfort and stability I had was in my parents, they had helped me manage my daily task and they became a beacon of hope. The news that they were moving Seattle soon, to be full time missionaries, was absolutely terrifying for me and I knew I had to start managing my life, my family, my anger, my sadness on my own.
What happen to the once very independent, strong, resourceful, confident young women I once was? Would I ever be that person again?
I decided to enroll in an anger management class reading the book Good & Angry which helped me begin to process my role as a mother and how to start changing MY behavior.
To view Book Click here:
http://www.amazon.com/Good-Angry-Exchanging-Frustration-Character/dp/0877880301/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1297742321&sr=1-2
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