The Struggles of 2007 -Part 1

One of the most challenging times in motherhood for me so far has been the month that led up to my daughter being placed in 2 week out patient psychiatric facility in Oct 2008.  The month that led up to the decision were so stressful, so consuming, so scary, so overwhelming and so powerful that I will never be forget and it makes me grateful for the peaceful moments we now have. These next couple blog post will be about the year leading up to her placement. 

 

Sitting on the curb holding my one year old son as we both watched my Precious SkySky raging in the locked car is still so vivid in my mind. She had started to get agitated at the park and so I quickly tried to get both kids to the car before she became out of control. The 10 feet walk seemed like a mile as I could sense Skyler was upset about something but I had no idea what. I was able to get my son buckled up but as soon as I placed Skyler in the seat she started kicking Kendly's car seat and she flipped herself out of hers and began to scream violently and was so out on control that I had to quickly get  Kendyl out of the car.  Kendyl and I sat on the side of the curb waiting for Patrick (Skyler's daddy) to come to our rescue. I kept running through the events of the day trying to figure out what set her off. She slept 12 hours, had a good breakfast,  did not have any clothes on that itched, no one agitated her at the park, it was a great day. What happen? She seemed in pain and when she got this upset she was a different child. Her face was blank and emotionless, her voice so deep and harsh. She would spit all over everything including me and Kendyl. 

I had such an internal battle, part of me would say I can not let her treat us like this and try to discipline her because no one wants a bratty kid right! Then the other part of me, the mother instinct part said this is not right. She has had nothing but love- yes at times a very upset and angry mother and father and two parents desperately trying to gain control but overall her life was untainted and there was no real reason to be this out of control. I know kids rebel, throw fits and disobey. BUT this was more that just the typical outburst, I knew I had to get help before this little three old hurt herself.

How can you know that you have faith 

until your faith is exercised

Spurgeon